Doubt

Judge: the plaintiff, sued the defendant owed you rent you what to add to you?

Plaintiff: after listening to the opposing counsel's a long and minute statement, I doubt whether there is such a house.

 

Police and lawyers

On the court, the lawyer was questioning the witness to the police: "did you see the defendant at the scene of the crime?" The officer replied: "no, I'm from the partner there know." The lawyer asked: "do you believe that your partner?" Of course. "You have a locker own at the police station?" Yes. "You go to patrol every day before they locked it?" "Yes." "If you believe that your partner why lock then?" The lawyer asked triumphantly. The officer calmly replied: "because the police station is not only the police, there are many lawyers to and fro."

 

Forgetful

Smith is a young lawyer, business is very good, but very forgetful. Once, he was sent to Saint Louis to meet with an important client, to solve a difficult case. The second day, he was the boss of that office he received a telegram from Saint Louis : "forget the full name of the clientele, please." The boss: "complex principal name Hopkins, your name is Smith.

 

Translation

A gang boss with his lawyer found his accounting. "You put my three million beautiful kinzo where to go?" The boss asked. Accounting not to utter a single word. "In where?" The boss was angry. The lawyer explained: "Sir, this man is a deaf. I help you translate this problem." The lawyer used sign language to ask again, but accounting is still insisted that he does not know. The boss angrily pulled a pistol to the deaf accounting head, lawyer and shouted: "ask him again where my money at!" "Good, good." The lawyer asked accounting useful language. "Behind the money hidden in my garden tool room." "What did he say?" Asked the angry boss. The lawyer said: "he says you have no guts to shoot."

 

"The lawyer in court"

The two one can't avoid one's enemy people in the scene. One said: "I want to go to court and Sue you! "Another said:"! "I'm going to report you to the Supreme court! "! "I have to tell you to hell! "This.... I will ask a lawyer in court!

 

To see how far

A lawyer asked the witness: "you say when the accident happened, you from the accident site 100 feet, I can tell you, you can see how far things?" The witness said: "get up in the morning, I can clearly see the sun, it is believed that the sun from the earth is 93000000 miles."

 

The butcher and the lawyer

Once upon a time there was a big German shepherd after a butcher shop, jumped on the meat station came out with a hanging on the hook on the meat, he know this is nearby a lawyer's dog, then went straight to the lawyer's. "The lawyer sir, I want to ask you one thing, there is a dog stole a piece of meat in my shop, I can sue dog owners, to claim the meat money?" Certainly madam. Answer the lawyers of the "celebrity" without hesitation. "That good. Sir, is your dog stole my meat. This is a great piece of good meat, for 3 pounds, you owe me 6 francs." Lawyer look butcher, words does not say, exactly the amount paid. He took the money get dizzy with success, quickly returned to the house, a quarter of an hour later, he received a letter: "the butcher's, you owe Mr. John lawyer an ordinary case of consulting fees 15 francs for the whole. Chi Kiyo 3 days, otherwise the courtroom."

 

Pull the business

Serious fault plane, the pilot asked the passengers and crew on the insurance department for emergency landing through the loudspeaker. 3 minutes later, the captain asks through radio airline stewardess long Is it right? Everybody all tied the safety belt. "All strung, only a lawyer also distributing his card."

 

Are ignored

"Now, madam, we began to discuss your case," the lawyer for a sit in front of him, said the woman. "However, as a mother of 12 children, do you really think you have a reason to accuse your husband too ignore you?"

 

Consultation

A lawyer office desk stood a sign, saying: "to answer a question, received $100.. A lady to consulting, see the table of brand was surprised, and asked: "to answer a question you really want to receive $one hundred?" Lawyers answer: "yes, please ask second questions!"

 

Treatment plan

A man climb four floors, breathless. He pushed open the door opposite, pant for breath to say: "doctor, quick check! How do I breathe so badly! Heartbeat. Climb four floors, it was like this. You say, what can I do?" "Regular exercise, not smoking and drinking. But also with a pair of glasses." "Glasses, is this why?" "The doctor is on the third floor, I was a lawyer."

 

Evidence

The lawyer asked the traffic police: "a man kneeling in the middle of the road proved he was drunk?" "Of course not, sir," replied the traffic police, "but the man kneeling in the middle of the road to roll up the white line on the middle of the road."

 

American humor

A tombstone wrote: "here lies a lawyer, a person of integrity." All There were many discussions.: "did not think of a place so small was buried under two."

 

Very worried

On the court, a signal corps facing charges of dereliction of duty, insisted he had waved a minute lights, warning signal to the train driver. He also stood up to the judge, demonstrates did. The judge believed his words, the cancellation of his complaint. After the trial, his lawyer said to him: "you in court was really good." Signal Corps have a lingering fear to say: "to tell the truth, I am very worried about the prosecution counsel questions." "Oh, why?" His lawyer asked. "I'm afraid he asked me Is it right? Light signal lamp!"

 

Do you think that lawyers are in where?

Have an engineer died and went to heaven. Heaven, the man looked at his archives, said: "you're in the wrong place, all engineers should report for duty to hell." Although I feel something is not right, he still obediently all hell to report. After the hell for a few days, he felt that the temperature is too hot to live in hell, very uncomfortable, so a set of air conditioning system design work, making hell no longer suffering. After a while, he felt inconvenient transportation system of hell, and design a set of rapid transit system, and then he feels that hell is too boring, then designed the TV and Internet. So to hell after his improved living standards, has become quite comfortable. In order to boast about the progress of God hell, Satan call to heaven with the most advanced video phone, he picked up the phone, see Satan then said: "you look great, what the hell is going on?" Satan said: "we here recently received an engineer, he brought us here is improved than celestial comfortable still!" God said: "no, the engineer should go to heaven, you must be in the procedures on moving the hands and feet, I advise you'd better send him over, or I want to find a lawyer to tell you!" Satan has listened, suddenly laughed, God very puzzled, asked Satan: "what are you laughing at?" Satan finally stop laughing, said: "do you think that lawyers are in where?"

 

Not partial to

 A judge in his friend said: "I want you to imagine, we engage in malpractices for selfish ends spread to such a large extent! The day before yesterday, the procedure was about to begin, the defendant's lawyer gave me $1000. How can this be, ah? After a while, the victim's lawyer also hard to give me $1200. But I'm not that kind of in the proceedings against our conscience favour one party people. So, I returned to the defendant, $200.

 

Lawyers and plumbers

 A lawyer in home water pipes burst, had to call a plumber. The plumber out his tools, bustling about knocked for a while, then handed law a bill of 60000 dollars. The lawyer exclaimed: "too ridiculous! I'm a lawyer never make much money!" The plumber said coldly: "I as a lawyer at that time did not earn."

 

This year, even the best lawyer story

 The famous north card CharlotteThe lawyer bought a box of extremely rare and expensive cigars, cigar is for fire insurance. He put these top cigars smoked in a month, the insurance premium a hair is not paid, but offered to insurance company claim. In the complaint, the lawyer said cigar damaged in a series of small fires. Insurance companies do not want to pay, the reason is: the person is in the normal manner smoked cigars. ......Results the lawyer on the court also won the lawsuit. The judge said in the verdict, he agreed to the insurance company says, that the appeal is very absurd, but the lawyer hands have the insurance company agrees to insure the policy, the insurance company to ensure that compensation for any fire, and in the policy doesn't specify what kind of "fire" is not in the scope of cover. Therefore, the insurance company will have to pay. Rather than stand the appeal process long and expensive, the insurance company decided to accept the verdict, and pay a $fifteen thousand cigars "fire". The following is the most wonderful place: after the lawyer cash the check, the insurance company immediately report to the police arrested him on suspicion of 24"Arson"!!! By his own previous complaints and testimony, the lawyer immediately condemned to deliberately "burned" has been insured property charges, to prison for twenty-four months, and a fine of $twenty-four thousand. The above is a true story, the first and the recent criminal lawyer Competition Award "! This kind of thing, also only have occurred in America will!

 

Leave him to use

Hongkong lawyer qualification examination, it is to be a test three days but very tiring test, the passing rate is very low. The first day of the exam at the end, an apparently feel that they will not pass the exam candidates waved loudly to his friend said: "you see this piece of paper? I will treasure it up, will use it to explain to my sons why do I need a plumber!"

 

Who's Gou Congming

One day, a doctor, an architect and a lawyer to eat at a country club, their topic to their dogs, want to know who's the smartest dog. The doctor dog starts, it carried some bones placed skeleton of a human body figure on the ground from the outside, the doctor gave him some cookies as a reward. The architect of the dog held from outside to some trees and pitched a Eiffel tower model, architect also gave it some biscuits as a reward. Finally, the lawyer's dog appeared, it with the doctor and the architect of the dog to talk, the dogs would put the biscuits gave it to the lawyer explained: his dog is a legal adviser to the dogs now.

 

Lawyer jokes

Asked: "was killed on the battlefield is you or your brother?" Ask: "do you know who this photo?" Answer: "that person is me." asked: "take this picture you there?" Ask: "he has three children?" Answer: "yes." asked: "the boys?" Answer: "no boy." asked, "has the girl?" Q: "Mrs. king, you think you are emotionally stable?" Answer: "in the past has always been so." asked: "you Dutch act successfully several times?"

 

Don't come easy

The defendant to his defense lawyer promised said: "if you have something that I can only squat for half a year in prison, then you will get an extra one thousand bucks." The defendant finally have got one's wish. The lawyer side accept money and say: "this is tough work, originally the judges think acquitted."