(To know about theChinese mother Cai Meier"Tiger mother", unable to hold oneself back and turned Chinese version)

"My mother in American: Professor at Yale Law School parenting"

Http://read.dangdang.com/book_14057

This book tells the story of a Chinese mother, and two daughters, two dog story. She was second generation Chinese Americans USA immigrants to Chinese parents, high expectations for their children and strict upbringing to the education of the 2 femaleSon. In this book, Cai Meier confessed to raise two children's own journey, and children"BucketZhi Douyong"Process. Two daughters in her mother's strict discipline and go to cultivate, inherited the traditional chinese,Have excellent academic performance, music and so on, locally known as a musical prodigy. Be full of wit and humour family story, violent culture conflicts, the persistent pay Chinese mother, rebellious daughter of intelligent......The story, and set people thinking.

1China mother (1)

In learning to put pressure on their children is whether harmful? How to just calculate"Strict"? Lively and interesting learning is the first? Living in the China American motherVsWestern mothers.

Many Americans, on the Chinese parents how to successfully cultivate excellent children feel surprised to be not of the common sort. They want to know-"Manufacture"Many mathematical elite and music talent, what Chinese parents did; structure of their family is what appearance; China parents' success and they can not be copied.

Okay, let me open the answer, because I was such a Chinese mother.

However, in the mystery before, we'd better have a look first to these I never allowed his daughter Sophia and Louisa entered:

In the night outside

　　●In a party

　　●In the school play piano art

　　●Complain can't play in the school

　　●Often watch TV or play computer games

　　●To choose their own love of extracurricular activities

　　●Any one subject learning achievement below"A"

　　●Top notch in sports and art, so other subjects

　　●Play any instrument other than the piano or violin

　　●On a certain day did not play the piano or the violin

1China mother (2)

I always broad view"Chinese mother"This title. Recently, I met a super successful USA white guy, he is from the South Dakota (American readers should have seen him on television). In comparison to each of us?Family"The sacred rules of the religious order"Later, we found, his blue collar father, like a"Chinese mother". I also know some from South Korea, India, Jamaica, Ireland and Garner's parents, they also have China parental quality. On the contrary, I know some born in western countries but has China blood mother, they consciously or unconsciously, but did not become a real"Chinese mother".

I also broadly used"Western parents"This title. Western parents are numerous, different style. In fact, as long as I get out of the house will be sensitive to find, compared with the China parents, be totally different western the way parents educate their children: some serious, some loose. The parents of all kinds of types: gay, Orthodox Judaism, single?Before, hippie, a job in investment banking and came from a military family......Obviously, no one on the Western parents have the same view on the education of children. Therefore, when I use"Western parents"The term, does not mean that all Western parents, as I mentioned"Chinese mother", also cannot represent every China mother.

Although western parents think their children have been strict enough, but they are strictly scale is usually very difficult to close Chinese mother standard. For example, my Western friends asked children to play a musical instrument, half an hour a day, up to an hour, they are believed to have strict with. However, the Chinese mother, the first hour of children playing, like pleasant warm up, and don't stop playing for two or three hours, it makes?Is"Practice"Then, with a certain degree of difficulty.

Although we are a commonplace talk of an old scholar of cultural differences have been uninterested, but in bringing up children, there are numerous research aims to confirm the existence of significant differences between Chinese and Western culture.

A pair of50Western American mothers and48Research Chinese mother shows,70%Western mother thought,"To exert pressure on the children in the study of practice is harmful","Parents should make learning become lively and interesting way to educate their children". But on the contrary is, without a China mother approved of this idea. Most of the China mother convinced that their children can rise above the common herd in the school, they think"Children in academic achievement reflects parents encouraging parent"; if the child can't feel just like a fish in water in the school, then"Have a problem"The, that parents"Serious dereliction of duty". In addition, there are some studies found that, Chinese mother every urge children learning time, about West mother10Times. While Western children, are more interested in school sports team activities, show the talent show one's face in public.

Observation of these phenomena let me find the key to the problem. Perhaps some people think America"Movement of mother"And Chinese"My mother"No what two things, that they may be completely mistaken. And according to the calendar to supervise the child to participate in the training of the West"Soccer mom"Compared China, mother believe:

(1) finish school is always the first (2In the test)"A –"Unqualified.3) must be leading two year than classmates in Mathematics (4)?In the public praise children (5) if the child and the teacher or coach in conflict, parents must stand firm in the teacher or coach side (6The only) parents allow their children to participate in extracurricular activities, is that they can win medals (7) and must be the gold medal!

2Sophia.1)

In our"Chinese+Judea=USA"Family, she18Months to know the alphabet,3"Little Women" - reading simplified book and began to learn to play the piano.

Sophia is my first daughter. My husband, Jed is a Jewish American, and I'm a chinese. In this way, our children will become"Chinese-Judea-USA"People, belonging to one seems rather exotic population. Specifically, in certain social circle, the number of such people also many, especially in the University town.

In English, the name Sophia"Wisdom"However, the pronunciation of the word, like my mother to take Chinese name-Si Hui.

Sophia from the ground up, she shows great rational endowments and special attention, and these quality thanks to her father. At that time, still in swaddling clothes Sophia always quietly to sleep the whole night, don't quarrel; occasionally cry, also has a very clear purpose. At that time, I was writing a story about legal articles (from a law firm I worked in Wall Street for maternity leave, I desperately want to find a university faculty--So I won't have to return to the Wall Street), just two months old, Sophia has seemed very understand. In her1Years before, she is so safe and quiet, just sleeping, eating, and staring at a pair of pure and innocent eyes, looked at the brain short circuit often Evans exhausted, i.

Sophia's intellectual development is earlier, she was18Months had known alphabet. Our pediatrician from neurological sense denied such a possibility, he insists, it just child's babble out one's first speech sounds. In order to prove this point, he took out a piece of the snake and the unicorn and other small animal disguise oneself big letters pictures. Doctors have a look the picture, look at Sophia, and then turned to look.?A sly wink, pointing to the one in his robe, wearing a beret toad is represented by the letter.

　　"Q!"Sophia with childish voice screaming.

　　"Learned without teacher......"The doctor was surprised to mumble.

My doctor's informal test was nervous at the side. Finally at the end of a letter, it was a fly out hundreds of root blood red tongue hydra."I."Sophia still accurately read it.

Sophia in the kindergarten is very outstanding, especially in mathematics. America method when the other kids were creative, to stick, beads and conical objects and other props to learn from1Count up to10When, I have been in by rote Chinese type, taught Sophia to add, subtract, multiply, divide, and the fraction and decimal, and they are very difficult to demonstrate the correct answer with a stick, beads and conical objects.

Jade and I got married when agreed to let our children, said China Mandarin, but follow the growing up Jewish ritual. (although I grew up in a Catholic family, but religion is not very persistent, because of the Catholic Church in my family did not take deep root, is to then later have more impact.) In retrospect, it is really a ridiculous agreement. Because of my hometown in Fujian Chinese, I do not speak Mandarin, but Jade was not religious. I hired a potential continuously and Sophia speak Mandarin Chinese nanny. When Sophia was two months old, we are the first to celebrate the Jewish"Hanukkah"(Hanukkah).

When Sophia grew up a little bit, we found that she seems to absorb the best part of two cultures. She inherited the Jewish world without end pursuit and get to the bottom of the spirit, also from me to learn all kinds of skills. And I'm not referring to any inborn has the skill, but those with Chinese way to cultivate diligence, self-discipline and self confidence, and let these quality expanding skills.

2Sophia.2)

Just3Years old, Sophia was able to read the "little woman" (Little WomenThe abbreviation of), can carry out simple induction, and Chinese write100A words, not including digital. When I saw USA father?Try to praise again and again, to encourage children to complete those such as draw a crooked lines or learn waving sticks this extremely simple task, I found China parents have two things beyond the USA parents: (1) in their children have higher expectations, more beautiful dream (2) they care more about their children can end in life on the road"Go"How far can"Jump"How high.

I'm eager to see Sophia can absorb America society the most outstanding cultural, not hope she like many Asian kids, and finally become a robot like freaks-Some of the children from their parents to feel unbearable pressure, or even just because in the national civil servant exam and got the second place will go to Dutch act! I hope she is versatile, all-round development, have their own light industryHobbies and fascinated by the activity, but not any little interest (e.g."Manual labour"The direction is not clear; or worse, to practice the drums, finally may be infected with drug abuse), but more meaningful, more difficult to master, can develop high artistic attainments, improve its potential interest.

Building on the ideas above, I chose the piano for his daughter.

　　1996Years, in Sophia3Years old, she opened her little arms, ushered in the life of two fresh thing: first piano lesson, and her little sister.

3Louisa.1)

Tell her to the East, she insisted on the West-My little daughter is such a"With angel faces hoyden".

A country song sings,"She was a long angel face wild girl"That is, the?Little daughter lulu. She said, I can not help but think how to tame a wild horse. Even when I was pregnant, little Lulu often in my womb to flex its muscles, and left a clearly visible in my belly"Our feet". Lulu's name is Louisa, meaning"The famous warrior". Hi, I was wondering, why are we so young when her for her to take such a name of an awe-inspiring reputation extending in every direction.

Lulu Chinese name"Si Shan"That means"Coral"Exquisite beyond compare, implied meaning. The Lulu, this name is really an apt. From the birth of the day, Lulu has a special taste. She don't like formulation designed for baby milk powder, also very resistant to pediatricians suggest we feed her milk, so often hungry belly?And Sancho Gandhi selfless and fearless and be totally different strike meditation retreats, hungry Lulu every night waving hands burst out crying. When we arrived China nanny Grace"Rescue"When Jade and I are awkward, like a pair of wearing earplugs, act with confusion. Grace used a touch of abalone and mushrooms taste sauce, cook a taste smooth tofu curd, made Lulu stopped crying, sucked her mouth to eat eat with appetite.

It is difficult to use language to describe my relationship with Lulu, say we between mother and daughter is like playing a game against"The comprehensive upgrading of nuclear war"Don't make a pointed comment. However, ironically, Lulu and I are very similar: she inherited my hot temper, a good tongue and never personality.

When it comes to people's personality, I do not believe what astrology (I think everyone can not avoid the problem yourself on the road of life), but China traditional twelve zodiac of Sophia and Lulu personality made a perfect explanation. Sophia was born in the year of the monkey monkey Chinese, people generally curious, clever, not what can be got them. Students in the year of the pig are more headstrong, stubborn, his hot temper often"A point is a", but never the resentment in the heart; surely they are honest and reliable, has a fiery heart people. And this-It is a vivid portrayal of lulu.

Born in the year of the tiger I don't want to be pleased with oneself, blow one's own horn, but tiger people generally noble, brave, strong, they had a commanding presence, and has a natural appeal.?Also some fortune darling, Beethoven, Sun Zhongshan, who is a tiger.

The first time I conflict and Lulu on her3At the age of.

The city of New Haven, Connecticut, a biting north wind in winter afternoon-That year the coldest day. At Yale Law School professor Jed busy work, while Sophia was in kindergarten. I'm looking for Lulu piano, contact first entered the music of the magical world, but it was a fantastic opportunity.

A head of brown hair, a pair of round eyes, and a Chinese type baby face, Lulu looks really cute. I am very excited to pick her up in a covered with soft cushion bench. Comfortably seated, I taught her how to on the piano plays a note with a finger. I demonstrated three times, and asked her to do it with me. But Lulu refused to learn to do this simple action, she would have stretched out his hands, with two hand casually on the keys. The piano make horrible sounds strange. I let Lulu"Stop"She beat, increasingly heavy, more and more quickly, more and more excited. I want to embrace her down from the bench, and she kicked, screaming and crying won't stop.

　　15Minutes later, she was still howling, crying, kicking a. Finally, I could not bear it. To elude her cuff and kick, I put the screaming little devil dragged to the door, throw it into the outdoor porch.

3Louisa.2)

The biting wind in– 6CThe low temperature blow on the face and come, just a few seconds, I felt like sharp wind like a knife to scratch my face. However, if the child is wild and intractable, unruly, I prefer to be a child Chinese obedient. In western culture, obedience and dog and hierarchical together; and in the China culture, it is a noble virtue.

　　"If you don't listen to mother's words, you can't stay in the house."I sternly to Lulu said,"Now, you want to be a good girl, or to stay outside?"

Listen to my words, they went out into the yard. She raises head to looking at me, a face of provocation.

I started to get worried, because Lulu only wearing a sweater, pants and decorated with ruffled lace skirt. She stopped crying, in fact, she was so quiet that people fear.

　　"Okay, you want to be a good boy,"Take a step I hurried to her, said,"Now, you may come in."

But Lulu shook his head.

　　"Lulu, don't be silly. Outside a world of ice and snow, you'll freeze, hurry come!"

The cold wind Sese, Lulu frozen teeth chattering, but she still shaking his head, with a stubborn look spell out a wordless"No". The scene looks really I found myself underestimated. She is exactly what materials do-Small she would rather stand frozen to death in the snow, is not willing to yield!

I have to change tactics quickly, I know-In this war, Diamond cut diamond, I couldn't win! My mind raced, then turned to, beg, cheated and bribery, finally got back to the house. When Jade and Sophia home, they saw Lulu soaked in reeky bath, it is with candied brownies, pleasant to enjoy a cup of sweet rich hot cocoa.

And Lulu underestimated me-Just defeated and I are re arming themselves.

The battlefield has spread, but Lulu did know nothing at all.

4Tsai family (1)

Expand our"America dream"--Father got a PhD from Massachusetts Institute of Technology, us three sisters have also entered the Harvard Law School, Yale University and the Harvard University, master's and doctoral degree at......

My name is?CAI"(Chua)--Mandarin pinyin is"C à i"I like your name. My hometown is in Fujian Province in southern Chinese, a rich scholars and scientists.

Ming Shenzong years, my father's family, there is a direct ancestor of Cai Wu can do astronomers at court, he is also a philosopher and poet.1644Years, at the time of the Ming is facing manqingruguan danger. Because all have a large stock of information, skills, Wu will be appointed emperor imperial court of sydney. The most treasured family heirlooms (in fact, is our only heirloom), is to hand written by Wu2000Page monograph, the book describes the Chinese oldest classic "book of changes". The leather cover write a"CAI"Word family heirloom, now prominently placed in my living room Coffee table.

All my grandparents were born in Fujian. In the20Century twenty or thirty's, they have a boat to Philippines, it is said that there are more opportunities, better life.

My grandfather was a gentle, kind teacher, in order to make a living, he had to put down the pointer to sell rice. He was not religious, especially good at doing business. But grandma is a very beautiful and devout Buddhists, although she believes a Buddism godness Guanyin Bodhisattva is not valued material enjoyment, but she still wanted her husband business more prosperous, thriving.

My grandfather operation fish sauce business, he is a good tempered businessman. And my grandfather, not religious, but also missed the business. I know a thing or two grandmother after the second world war do plastic products business (mainly the production of plastic containers for Johnson company) made a lot of money, then, she put the surplus is changed into gold and diamond. Become rich, she bought a magnificent mansion in Manila's most prestigious community. Later, my grandma and my uncle started the collection of Tiffany glass products in Honolulu (Tiffany glass), Marie·Cassatt.Mary Cassatt) and Braque (BraquesThe paintings), and has the independent property rights apartment in Honolulu. At the same time, they converted to Protestantism, and at the dinner table with a fork and spoon instead of the western Chinese chopsticks, live more and more like americans.

My mother1936Born in Chinese, and parents moved to Philippines, she was just two years old. Later the Japanese occupation of Philippines. In the war years, she lost her still in swaddling clothes little brother. I will never forget his mother had described to me the terrorist picture: a group of Japanese soldiers grabbed uncle, they grabbed his neck forced him to open mouth, and then while desperately to his irrigation, and brutally grimly, want to have a look poor uncle would like a balloon that slam bang hyperinflation.

　　1945Years, Douglas·General Macarthur led American forces liberated Philippines.

Mother remember American jeeps through the streets, to throw canned ham stop into the crowd at the soldiers, was just a little girl, after military vehicles along the way as cheerful as a lark.

After the war, his mother to a monk run middle school. There, she converted to catholicism. Later, at the top of her class honors graduate of St. Thomas University, and obtained a degree in chemical engineering.

My father is always full of yearning for immigration American. A mathematical genius, fond of astronomy and philosophy to seek nothing but profits, with him, in the business field of cheating on the family business cherish an undying, instinctively against each family as he made arrangements. Even when he was a little boy, he desperately looking for the opportunity to America. Later, Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Massachusetts approved his application for admission, he finally"Dreams come true".

4Tsai family (2)

The father in1961Formal proposal to the mother, for some time the same year late, and they both came to boston. Didn't know, this place is USA soul. They use small scholarships maintain daily expenses,?To can not afford the heating costs in winter. In their early to the two winter in Boston, often wrapped in a blanket to keep warm. But less than two years, my father got his PhD, and in West Lafayette, Indiana Purdue University teaching assistant.

Grew up in the Midwest America, me and my three sister always feel we are different with others.

Every day we must use insulation box will Chinese lunch to school, and I am eager to like the other students to eat a piece of clip sausage sandwich! Parents ask us that Chinese words at home, if a little slip of the tongue, in the words with one or two English words, immediately punished: hand with chopsticks, but was hit. Every afternoon, we have the mathematical, practicing the piano, my parents never?Let us for the night to a friend's house. Each day he returned home in the evening, I would respectfully as he took off his shoes and socks, handed slippers.

Results notice our single must be the pink of perfection-Our friends may be due to several subjects"B"While parents reward, can we even in full"A"There is only one"A –", will make parents feel embarrassed. Remember the eight grade year, I won the second place in a history exam, students and parents attended the award ceremony. A classmate as a result obtained Kiwanis award, still be special praise. After the award ceremony, I remember my father just said a word to me:"Don, don't let me like this to shame!"

My friends heard this story, they usually think of my childhood terror matchless, but this is not true. In fact, this let outsiders feel strange in the family, I absorbed some of the strength and confidence. In the beginning American into society, we all like some outsiders; but gradually, we integrate America society, become americans.

I remember my father work every night to dawn3Point. He is so focused, and often not aware we walked into the room. I still remember the excitement he recommended Mexico tacos, sloppy Joe spicy minced meat sandwich1, Dairy Queen and other flavors of Food, and can open the belly to eat buffet, not to mention those to take us to go sledding, skiing, and camping fun to catch crabs.

Remember the primary school, there is a?The boy laughed at my hotel"Restaurant"Into the"Rest-OW-rant"He looked down, while doing the gesture and imitate my accent, while laughing. At that moment, I vowed to get rid of my Chinese accent. In the girl scouts, hula hooping, poetry contest, to read a book, in the public library"America revolution daughter essay competition"Winners, as well as parents to join American Ji and proud, gave me left a deep impression, still feel be visible before the eyes.

　　1971Years, the father was hired to teach at University of California, then, our family packed up to USA western city of Berkeley. There, his long hair, wearing a"Peace"Mark jacket. Later, he had a keen on collecting Wine?Interest, and built a can accommodate thousands of bottles of Wine cellar. In his theory of chaos on their own and become international famous scholar, we began to travel around the world. The second grade my high school in London, Munich in Germany and Switzerland in Lausanne. Under the leadership of his father, we even left his footprints on the far north.

However, my father is still a China type parents.

4Tsai family (3)

The selection and application of the University, he insisted that I enrolled in the University of California at Berkeley (at that time, I was admitted to this university), and to live in the home. That is to say, I have to face a completely no campus students?Study-This choice makes me very painful. I began to defy fuming, as the year of his family rebel. I faked his signature, quietly for me a is located in the east coast school people talk about. When I open my secret action, tell my father I had been admitted to Harvard University, his reaction was really make me surprised--From be furious gradually become daughter proud, he tossed about all night.

Although in her home will have a touch of sadness linger in his mind, but he later enjoy many proud moment--I graduated from Harvard Law School Graduate Certificate of his two daughters; Summergate carries out of the Yale University and Yale Law School; and he is the most happy, is his three daughters - also attended Harvard University, and earned a master's and Bo there?Academic degree.

American changing people living there.

I4Years old, father once said to me-"You will marry to marry chinese. Non Chinese men marry? Well, as long as I breathe, is absolutely no way!"But in the end, I had married Jade, a Jewish americans. Today, my husband and father had become the best of friends.

When I was little, my parents especially for the disabled and no sympathy. Even today, many Asians will be disabled as a shame. Therefore, in my youngest sister beauty tapes with Down's syndrome1Congenital disability came to this world, my mother often poor little daughter sad tears, some relatives also advised us to take her to the charity in Philippines. But she did not do so, she visited in special education for the disabled teacher, many have contacted the parents of disabled children. Soon, she began not to mind taking the trouble to spend a lot of time, and the sound playing jigsaw together, and teaching her how to paint. When the beautiful sound of the primary school, my mother taught her to read, practise multiplication and she. Now, the sound has been in the International Special Olympics swimming has won two gold medals.

Worry about the thousands of years of splendid Chinese civilization here can not be, to not marry Chinese I seem to have had a little regret. But for me, more is to American gives us freedom and opportunity to be deeply grateful. My daughter lives in USA no longer exotic feeling (I sometimes), but for me, that hint of nostalgic and not a burden, but more like a privilege.

5On the wane? (1)

Break"Great men's sons seldom do well"The spell, I insist that children learn the reason of classical music. Because the piano, Violin won't let a person in spoiling degenerate, laziness and rudeness.

My greatest fear is that the decline of the family. China has a spell like saying--"Great men's sons seldom do well."If someone in the two generation of achievement for a longitudinal study, I am sure, they will be those recently50Years to graduate from university or technical workers identity fortunately came to the China America immigrants, found a common survival mode. This pattern is as follows:

Immigrant generation (like my parents) are always hard work, many people came to American almost is on one's uppers. They work from dawn to night, endless work, until achieve success and win recognition, become engineers, scientists, doctors, academics and businessmen. As parents, they are super tough elders and save money on food and expenses of the frugal-"Don't throw the leftovers!""Why do you use so much detergent?""You don't need to go to beauty salons, my barber technology better than them."They seldom drink, will save the money for real estate investment. What they do every thing, have earned every penny, all is in order to invest in the education of the children, they have different expectations and their future.

Second generation immigrants (like me) is the first generation born in USA, typical characters of their great achievements. They usually play the piano, violin, get into an Ivy League school; as a special talent-Lawyers, doctors, bankers, TV host. Their income is far beyond the parents, one hand is because they earn more, partly due to the parents of the huge investment in them. Unlike their parents as frugal, they like to drink cocktails. Women usually marry whites; whether male or female, they treat their children don't like their parents strict.

Third generation immigrants (like Sophia and Louisa) are those that let us lie awake at night in bed, harried people. Because of their parents and grandparents, grandmother strenuous efforts, the third generation of people born in the living condition is very comfortable in the family. In childhood, they have a lot of hardcover books (in the first generation immigrants-Our parents' eyes, it have the luxury of almost crime); some rich, achievement"B+"Friend. No matter do not enter into the private schools, they are eager to wear expensive designer clothing. Finally, the problem is, they believed that personal rights are protected by the constitution of the America, so reluctant to obey their parents will listen to their parents' occupation, advice. In short, all phenomena show that, the third generation is going downhill.

5On the wane? (2)

Although the children's road to rely on their own to go, but Sophia was born, I still hope that she be clever and sensible, self-respect; I told myself, can't let"Great men's sons seldom do well"The curse in my home come true, never have a no true skill and genuine knowledge and proud as Lucifer children, can not let my family to go into a cul-de-sac.

This is why I insisted on Sophia and Lulu learning classical music. I know, I can't let them for life in a poor immigrant family and work hard. I can't change the life situation--We live in a big house the old; two a decent car; go on holiday, in high-grade hotel. But I'm sure is, compared with me and my parents, Sophia and Lulu to accept a better education and more plasticity. While classical music will not let people down, not lazy, don't teach people are rude, also won't spoil the child. On the contrary, it will drive my children reach I failed to achieve the goal, and it with our ancestors make one's ancestors illustrious cultural traditions are closely linked.

My"Anti corruption movement"There are other composition. Like my parents, I also asked Sophia and Lulu can speak fluent China words, become a straight-A students in school."Each exam answer must remember to check3Times,"I told them,"To learn, to verify each and every one of you don't know the word, to accurately remember their definitions."In order to make sure they don't like Romans in Empire Falls have a lead a luxurious and dissipated life, life, I also insist that they do some physical work.

I have more than once told her daughter:14Old time, I with a hoe and shovel dug a swimming pool."This was a little bit true. I'm near Too vast lake1That my father bought next to the cabin?The swimming pool is made, only3Feet deep,10Feet square, but"Small but complete".

I also like talking to girls:"Every Saturday morning, I was vacuuming, I am responsible for half of the area, complete the other half sister. I have to clean the toilet, in weeding the yard, logging. I had for my father built a rockery garden, had to carry50The big stone pounds. This is why I was so strong, tough."

I hope the daughter as much time as possible to improve the piano art, so does not require them to cut wood or dig a pond. But I also try to let them carry heavy things, for example, her dress was full to the brim of the clothes basket, ran upstairs downstairs, Sunday will be responsible for throwing garbage, suitcase when traveling. Interestingly, tenderness toward woman Jade this is a natural repugnance, he could not let the girls take the heavy, heavy work, always worry about hurt their tender back.

Teach our children experience, I constantly remember parents for once I said those words."Be modest, humble, to be simple."My mother always told us,"The last is the most anterior."I think she really wanted to say is--"Make sure you come out in front, so that you will have a modest cost."But the principle of father is--"Do not blame everyone and everything but not oneself or find an excuse. If what happened in the school looks to you unfair, you will redouble their efforts to gain more achievements to prove yourself!"I also tried to the life and work principles instilled in Sophia and Lulu.

Like my parents, I also try to get more respect from Sophia and Lulu. However, a little this is my most unsuccessful. When I was growing up, I'm afraid the opposition of the parents, but Sophia is not afraid, Lulu is more make nothing of. We live in a society, the Americans to convey to draw further apart children things and Chinese culture. In China culture, children questioned parents, don't obey parents discipline, or with the elders talk back, is not allowed. In America culture, books, TV shows and movies, are frequently for the children to agile retort, independent personality clap. Especially some American parents, seems to be required by the children to give them a vivid life course.

6Benign circle.1)

Why did Sophia3Start practicing the piano,7Years of winning? In the extremely difficult"Start", many Western parents will choose to give up. However Chinese parents will be in the beginning, do not give children choose"Don't try to"Opportunity.

The first three Sophia piano teacher, are not suitable for her.

The first teacher is an old Russian woman, her name is Eleanor, are our neighbors. She dressed in style of old skirt, knee length stockings; in teaching, from first to last all the noodles have no facial expression, as if she had brought the whole world of sadness a shoulder. She came to my house to do tutor, if only to yourself to practice the piano for an hour, and Sophia and I just sit on the couch listening to her play, and feel the sense of anguish and suffering. The end of the first class, I feel very collapse, while Sophia has been playing her paper dolls. I dare not tell Eleanor she cannot piano teacher's work, worried that she would weep. I just told her, and we look forward to the next time she piano lessons, I will contact with her so.

We tried second piano teacher, was a little strange. He has short hair, wearing round glasses in Phnom Penh, served in the army, called"MJ".MJAlways wear a suit, tie, from the appearance, you very difficult to judge the sex, but I like the simple style. Meet for the first time,MJTell us, Sophia is a natural piece of music material. Unfortunately, three weeks later, we as usual toMJHome to the class, andMJFrom the evaporation. We only see the house put a different furniture, lived in a complete stranger.

Third teachers Richard is a soft spoken, hips, fun jazz man. He said that he had a two-year-old daughter. For the first time met the importance, he would talk too much to live in the moment and how to enjoy pleasure in good time, to Sophia and me a good lesson. Unlike other traditional teacher will follow the prescribed order to teach, he said he disdains the use of others written textbooks; he emphasizes improvised play and self expression. Richard thought that music is not what rules to follow, as long as you're feeling it, no one has the right to judge you; and those of the commercial operation and the so-called fight at outrance competition, has destroyed the piano world.

The poor guy-I guess he doesn't have the ability to do the piano teacher.

As Chinese immigrant family daughter, I didn't put together or make up their rule time. I want to maintain the family honor, for a day of aging parents pride and self-esteem. I like definite goal, to see the road to success is determined!

It is for this reason, I very much appreciate the teaching Suzuki piano. It has7Book, everyone must be from the first book to have every book entry10To15Song, practitioners to practice step by step one by one. While the children are hard to put into practice, as is every week can learn a new song. If a song to practice for several weeks, or even months, they will feel tired and give up practice. Anyway, at least some children learn Suzuki materials through, piano art is increasing faster than others-Children who study and train hard, will4Year old6Years old,6Year old16Old cow.

Manufacture"A musical prodigy"Suzuki reputation abroad, teaching system.

What happened to Sophia, to verify the Suzuki piano teaching legend. At that time, Sophia5Years old, from teaching Suzuki piano famous teacher Michel. Michel in the New Haven known as a community music school places, have a huge piano studio. There, she with great patience and keen insight, found Sophia. She not only appreciate Sophia talent in music, and let Sophia fell in love with the piano.

Suzuki piano teaching method was made for Sophia. She learns quickly, and be able to consciously stay after class, devote oneself heart and soul to prolong exercise time, that Sophia had been to benefit from the advantages Chinese culture in the education of children. And the school most Western students' parents, the children come here to practice holding?Pine and indulgent attitude. I remember there was a girl named Aubrey, for a long time, every day she had to practice only a minute, but then she has7Years old. Some children practicing is paid-Large sundae, or big box Lego brand toys assembled. Many students also to all sorts of excuses to escape from the practice, even if is often absent in teaching days.

6Benign circle.2)

The most notable feature Suzuki piano teaching method, is the hope that parents can also observe each music lesson, which is conducive to urge the children at home to practice. That is to say, Sophia piano lessons, I have from first to last"Accompanying". So, I have music influence. When I was young, I also have a piano lesson, but my parents didn't have the money to hire a good teacher, therefore, I can only accept the guidance of a neighbor. During the lecture, he occasionally hosted Tupperware household plastic products company. Following Sophia's teacher, I can learn a lot of music theory and related knowledge of history.

Because of my company, Sophia every day at least, practice90Minutes, non-stop weekend. In the school days, we practice time will be doubled. All the things I help Sophia remember she learned, even the teacher did not teach content. And I, don't give Sophia any money reward. I think, this is also the reason we can step down method of teaching Suzuki piano level and the fundamental reason.

Other parents of students will practice the target for a year to finish a book, we from the first book-Star Variations (Twinkle VariationsIntroduction.3Months later, Sophia began to play in second volumes-(Schuhmann Piano ConcertoSchumann);6Months later, she advanced third--By the creation of Clement's Sonata (Sonatina). But I still feel slow.

Now, I should have know that fact clear. I know, I have such a mother, but Sophia is not happy. I urged Sophia to practice days, she remembered that I have3Pet phrase:

　　1 God, how did you get worse and worse!

　　2 Hurry up, I wait, you have to find the tone!

　3 If the next time you missed a note, I'll put all your furry little animal into the fire burned to ashes!

6Benign circle.3)

Now in retrospect, these"Have plenty of fight in sb"The supervising way seems a bit excessive, but they are really very effective. Sophia and I, really is a natural understanding and combination. I will look for things will"A tendon end", and Sophia appear mature, patient, compassionate-I should have these qualities have been missing. She believes that her mother know, what is the best choice for her. Even though I sometimes be furious or offend by rude remarks, she will forgive me.

　　7Years old, Sophia in a local piano competition, with the song by Norway composer Edward·The creation of Grieg's "Butterfly" (Butterfly), won her first medal. "Butterfly" is Grieg66The lyric music of a song, in which each tiny fragments, are intended to arouse the audience unique mood and as boundless as the sea and sky imagination, showing butterfly light elegant state and cheerful comfortable taste. Only spend a lot of time, hard exercise, will it be possible to achieve such a beautiful artistic conception.

China parents aware of this truth: become expert process, in fact, no fun at all. To master any skill, must pay the hard work. While the kids are by nature, will not love to. Therefore, the beginning not to give them to choose"Don't try to"Opportunities, so it is of vital importance to.

Put forward a very high request to the toughness of the rebellion in the child parents. Everything is difficult at the beginning, in the extremely difficult"Start", many Western parents will choose to give up. However, if used properly, Chinese parenting strategy will bring a virtuous cycle. To excellence unremittingly, must practice, practice, practice; and USA parents don't appreciate the mechanical repetition. In fact, whether it is playing the piano or the mathematical, once the child development?The outstanding talent, will get the praise, admiration and satisfaction. This will lay the foundation for their confidence in life, and to make the extremely hard and bitter, no fun activities become full of fun. Such benign loop, make easy for parents to guide children to mount a new step harder.

The winners of the concert, when I look at Sophia's fingers, like the wings of a butterfly fluttering down, on the keys as most, I resist the sense of pride, joy and longing. I am unable to hold oneself back to look forward to tomorrow--Tomorrow, I will and Sophia together, redouble our efforts, toward the vast strides towards music......

7 "The tiger"Pledge (transport1)

I am in Harvard law school achievement is outstanding, is because of hard work I almost like crazy. My article even published in the fierce competition in the "Harvard Law Review". It was there, I met my future husband, Jed-?The editor.

And those close to the30Old Asian USA women, I thought, to the theme of mother daughter relationship, in my own family's story for the outline, writing a run through generations of epic novels. Long before Sophia was born in New York, I worked for a Wall Street firm, this idea has been sprouting.

Thank God, I was the darling of fate. Because today, major decisions in my life, all for"Hit the mark by a fluke". I began to study the application of mathematics in Harvard University, because I think that would please the parents; but then I gave it up, it is because my father watched I was a math problem of torture for a whole winter, he said that I go on like this will destroy your brain?And, so, come and save me from the digital game. But I also mechanically to economics, thought it was probably more like a science. I to"Dual career families commuting patterns"Wrote on my graduation thesis, the boring that I simply do not remember how I got the conclusion.

I was on the Harvard Law School, mainly because I don't want to go to medical school. I was in law school achievement is outstanding, is because of hard work I almost like crazy. My article even published in the fierce competition in the "Harvard Law Review ("Harvard Law Review). It was there, I met my future husband

Jade-I was editor. The law is not always worried that I really want to serve for life in the vocation, I do not like other people that care about the rights of criminals, regardless of religion?When this to my questions, my brain is like a frozen stiff. I'm not a natural question, love a person, I just want to remember everything about the professor, and then by rote.

The reason I went to work in a Wall Street law firm after graduation, because to do so without any effort, logical. Because of doesn't like running a lawsuit, I choose the company legal business. I work quite well, and I am good at dealing with people, understanding of customer needs, and turn them into legal documents. However, the whole3Years of life, I feel all the time in the comic in make grand gestures. I'm all through the night and investment bankers to the drafting of legal documents, in everybody for hundreds of millions of dollars in business and be mentally and physically exhausted, out of all the minor details, I suddenly had a compulsion: just want to arouse my five senses do a eye, bulging cheek, then grimaced.

However, Jade is very love laws, this difference is really let me be inferior by comparison.

Especially in the20Century80Age, company mergers and acquisitions boom be raging like a storm, Jed obsessed with writing briefs for law firms, legal proceedings, and successful. Later, he was America attorney office work, sued several members of the Mafia, also is always enjoy it. He took great interest in"Rights of privacy"The theme of writing an article, copious and fluent for100Page, and he did make smooth reading, and published in the US as a student would have worked out "Harvard Law Review" (this journal nearly uniform just published article written by a professor).

?Since then, Dean of Yale law school invited Jade to teach, although I was so eager to like my father works in a university, but the enviable distinction or first fell on her husband. Before Sophia was born, he was a tenured professor at Yale Law School, office, this is his dream of working. He is also the hospital staff of only one of the most junior professors, such as the golden boy, was a pile of the same staring at the professorship of colleagues around full of wit.

7 "The tiger"Pledge (transport2)

I thought that I was the kind of idea a lot, man of rich imagination, but in front of his colleagues, my idea seems not to be worth a hair. We had just moved to New Haven, I was pregnant with Sophia. Jed told?Several positions in the law school friend, said I"Want to be a professor in the school of law". However, when the legal issues of interest when they talk about me, but I like a stroke patients unable to think, unable to speak, it makes me feel very sad. I forced myself to join the conversation, but confusion, ambiguity, talk insincerely.

When I decided to write an epic novel when, unfortunately Jade saw my manuscript, his deputy about to speak, but saying nothing, almost didn't laugh out loud funny it seems to tell me, I do not seem to have such talent. In addition, there are Ma Kexin·Red·Kingston1, Amy·Tan②And Zhang Rong③Already in their creation, "warrior" (Woman Warrior:Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts"The Joy Luck Club" (,)The Joy Luck Club"Hung" () andWild Swans), successfully The early bird catches. At first, I was devastated, grouchy, but soon, I will have to re position their ideas. Considering the specialty I read law and immigrant family background, I intend to open up their own world in law and race developing areas. And racial problems, is no matter when and where I perpetual issue. At that time, but also very few people study the law and development, and this is just my specialty.

Lucky star appears in the head shining.

After Sophia's birth, I wrote an article, the content is about Latin America and Southeast Asia privatization, nationalization and ethnic characteristics, and published in the "Columbia Law Review ("Columbia Law Review). This masterpiece at the bottom, I related to the country of the school issued a law faculty, application, and bold appointment Committee of Yale law school should be invited to an interview.

At the Yale University looks a bit terrifying Murray (Mory 'sIn the restaurant, I) and appointment Committee Professor, chat while eating lunch. Much to my surprise, two professors an excuse to leave early, leave the dean of the law school in two hours later, and I was in New Haven, Italy style architecture as boundless as the sea and sky to a well off.

I didn't get the Yale full-time teaching work, that is to say, I had lunch interview screwed up, be Jade school refused. That's not good-It makes my social activities become a bit awkward.

However, this also lets me to relax?A burst. Sophia was two years old, Duke University School of law to send me a letter of appointment, I be overjoyed, unable to hold oneself back to accept, and moved to North Carolina to Durham.

(to be continued)