My mother at Yale Law School in USA Parenting

[America] Cai Meier

This book tells a story-It is the story of a mother, two daughters and two dogs. Accompanied by piano agitation notes and violin melodious melody, they again how Ron den Carnegie music temple, interpretation of Mozart and Mendelsohn's classic.
　　You may think, this story to tell the readers-In the education and training of children, Chinese parents parents better than western.
In fact, this book focuses on the cultural conflict, the fierce shows such as like floating smoke and passing clouds like passing the praise and glory, and a life in the Chinese America mother, is in front of 13 years old of children with profound respect and humility......

Content abstract

This book tells the story of a Chinese mother, and two daughters, two dog story.

She was second generation Chinese Americans USA immigrants to Chinese parents, high expectations for their children and strict upbringing to the education of the 2 daughter. In this book, Cai Meier confessed to raise two children's own journey, and children "wits".

Two daughters in her mother's strict discipline and go to cultivate, inherited the traditional Chinese, have excellent academic performance, music and so on, locally known as a musical prodigy.

Be full of wit and humour family story, violent culture conflicts, the persistent pay Chinese mother, rebellious daughter of intelligent...... The story, and set people thinking.

Author brief introduction

Cai Meier (Amy Chua), American Yale Law School professor, Chinese scholars.

In 1987 graduated from the Law School of Harvard University, Ph.D., a former executive editor of the Harvard Law Review "". After graduation, she worked at Wall Street law firm, and worked in Duke University, Columbia University, New York University and Stanford University to teach. She wrote and published "the fire of the world" (World on Fire, 2003) and "empire" (Day of Empire, 2007 years) two best-selling books, crowned as the "New York Times" bestseller list, and was translated into,, Italy and Japan, Korea and Finland, Spain, Indonesia and many other words marketing all over the world.

Cai Meier often in CNN USA radio, television as a guest, in addition, she also New York Times "", "", "Washington Post Forbes", "Financial Times", "Harvard Business Review" and other publications. At the same time, she served as an advisor to the government and many including the world bank, the Brookings Institution, the United Nations and the USA Central Intelligence Agency, decision-making mechanism, in many countries to give lectures, and invited to attend the 2011 Davos world economic forum.

Research direction of Professor Cai Meier 's focus on contract law, law and development, international trade law and law and globalization field. She was awarded the Yale University law school, "the best teaching award".

Now, she and her husband, two daughters and two Samoye's dog, living in New Haven, Connecticut, America.

Comments to the media and experts

When more and more China parents will look abroad, to seek and accept the western advanced education concept and method, and began to reflect on our own and even abandon the traditional parenting Chinese thoughts, Cai Meier -- the "China type mother" won "America success" stories, is worth us to recall and reflection...... -- senior editor, book the translator Zhang Xinhua

Cai Meier reveals the deep reasons why the rise above the common herd of Asian children: it is because they have a Chinese mother. She inherited long considered consistent rule parenting experience: strict, traditional, children not to compromise values. Cai Meier and her husband (a couple of two per capita is Yale University law school professor) have two daughters, they are in the process of growing up in the academic and musical performances have achieved excellent results, Cai Meier had two daughters growing experience as success, also have educational meaning to someone else's story. -- America "Publishers Weekly

The editor recommends

Author Cai Meier Professor Department of Yale Law School, Chinese second generation USA immigration. The family members were graduated from Harvard, Yale, Massachusetts Institute of Technology and other world-class university.

★ an unpublished biography successful tutoring case triggered fierce bidding war, with the most advanced educational experience, country: USA British, Denmark, Italy, this book with the greatest concern, the fastest speed is authorized to introduce.

★ now parents confused: did not know the child is the "range" or "captive".

★ Western parents think, should respect the child's personality; the East is that parents, the best way to protect children is: help them as soon as possible for the future, develop the good study and work habits.

★ two ideas have their own soil, however, Cai Meier used his story to tell China parents, in oriental education positively, together with the appropriate skills and firm faith, Oriental Education can also open the flower of success in the Western soil, let the western people admire.

Catalog

My mother in the USA

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

This book is dedicated to Sophia, Louisa and the United States

The first part

1 Chinese mother

In learning to put pressure on their children is whether harmful? How is "strict"? Lively and interesting learning is the first? Living in the Chinese American mother Vs. western mothers.

2 Sophia

In our "Chinese and Jewish = America" family, her 18 months will know the alphabet, 3 year old "Little Women" reading simplified book and began to learn to play the piano.

3 Louisa

Tell her to the East, to the West -- she is my little daughter is such a "long with angel faces hoyden".

4 Tsai family

Expand our "USA dream" -- father got his PhD at the University of Massachusetts, us three sisters have also entered the Harvard Law School, Yale University and the Harvard University, master's and doctoral degree at......

5 On the wane?

To break "the rich but three generations" spell, I insist that children learn the reason of classical music. Because the piano, Violin won't let a person in spoiling degenerate, laziness and rudeness.

6 Benign circle

Why Sophia 3 year old began playing the piano at the age of 7, won the prize? In the extremely difficult "the beginning", many Western parents will choose to give up. However Chinese parents will be in the beginning, do not give children choose "no effort" opportunities.

7 "Tiger head"

I am in Harvard law school achievement is outstanding, is because of hard work I nearly crazy like. My article even published in the fierce competition in the "Harvard Law Review". It was there, I met my future husband, Jed -- my editor at.

8 Lulu instrument

Lulu of the music has a near perfect feeling. Unfortunately, she hates training, practice often distracted -- not talking about the birds outside, is......

9 The violin

The violin at Lulu's hand, is shown with Lulu seems to have eight life. However, urged her to practice often make we both like jungle tigers and wild boar like "bloody battle a".

10 Teeth marks and bubble

I One's pupils do not turn. at Sophia played on the stage. She looks so small, but in the huge piano to show Mozart's passion -- at that moment, my heart felt a nameless pain......

11 The little white donkey

Western parents worry a lot about the child's self-esteem, but as parents, most is not conducive to the protection of their children's behavior, is that you see them in the face of difficulties, give up not as.

12 Cadenza

If lulu in good mood, concentrate, she will be able to seize the elf sliding in the fingertips; if she is not in the mood, be confused in mind, cadenza will not "cls". The worst thing is, I've never been able to control her mood.

The second part

13 Cocoa

We have a not group, go out running Sa Moyer de dog.

14 London, Barcelona and Mumbai, Athens

We like to take their children to travel very. In the 12 years old daughter, daughter 9 years old, they have their own naivete footprints left in the world, the 39 city and island.

15 Bobo

I believe that the Western woman, children's childhood should be a natural freely, take one's ease nature, full of curiosity and the discovery of rich and colorful experience of ink on the beautiful picture, but I didn't take the whole day become daughters like "happy show".

16 Birthday card

As a Chinese mom, I just do the right thing, do not care how to please the children love.

17 "Caravan" to Xiao Tuokua

In order to bring Lulu meet one of the world's top violin teacher, we are to turn out in full strength, drive 9 hours, with the teacher and her boyfriend, huadaijiaqian invited injuries on crutches with Sophia, and our dog......

18 Deep pool

Jade will never understand, why a minute ago I and Lulu is pulled big voice toward the dead to threaten each other, and then a minute to see us laughing in bed together, as boundless as the sea and sky to piano talk talk, laughter.

19 Dream dance

Professor yang to put your fingers and palms together into a goblet, arch into a tent shaped, the keys seems to become a group of children, his fingers "coax" that they make a wonderful sound. His finger is powerful and gentle and graceful, like a ballet dancer long beautiful leg.

20 Carnegie Temple of music

Pay Chinese human child education efforts greatly exceeded westerners. As a mother, I will not let myself to stop, take a breath, relax. I know, that we have been afraid to try things, in fact, is the most valuable.

21 The premiere and audition

To perform on the stage from the practice preparation, performing for an audience as they are in the "blood", it emptied out your feelings, let you feel a little light. This song is to bring joy to the audience, and accompany with you daily, deep affection music, not only belongs to you.

22 Popular in Budapest

Passionate generous, Hungarian three times a standing ovation, the long time the thunderous applause, gave the USA "musical prodigy, little sisters". Where could they know, rehearsal is so striking one snag after another......

The third part

23 Pushkin

It's like his belly against the cold floor, limbs outstretched, as though someone will it in mid air dropped, it leaned down, legs open, like a short arm or a leg. "Big" word, no shape "," sound to fall to the ground!

24 Hair DIY

Lulu used scissors "Kacha" their hair! And just by her DIY hair, one side is uneven in Chin hung next to the other side, high mortality in above the ears, showing a jagged......

25 Bright and dark

And three younger sisters' spend childhood in my memory glowing. 35 years later, we still close. But one day I received the phone, learned that she was diagnosed with a fatal leukemia!

26 Adolescent rebellion

Her birthday party for his 50 birthday, Lulu flatly rejected written message for father. I resorted to use all one's skill, try every way to threaten her, bribery, inspired her, she put her to shame, she promised to give advice and suggestions help at the time of writing, issued an ultimatum to her...... The results, my efforts did suffer a big!

27 To declare war on leukemia

In the hospital, she insisted on washing clothes for the children, a washing is two big baskets. When she carefully folded his son's shirt, heal her bib and jumpsuit, I am terrified to look at the side.

28 A bag of rice

The house is a mess. We saw a large burlap bag torn into pieces, rags and plastic bags everywhere, and cocoa and Pushkin is outside of the storm at. At that time, Sophia looked depressed into the kitchen, still holding a broom......

29 Through the fog of despair

The first course of chemotherapy did not become a not waking nightmare, second courses may have the opportunity to make up for. But now, very cruel is I can't hear the news from her, but the time is in a day passes quietly.

30 "Hebrew melody"

"I can't play in my bar mitzvah! I hate the violin, I didn't pull up, giving up!" Lulu at home the shrill decibels cannot measure......

31 Red Square

Moscow Coffee Museum, "roe sauce storm" steep. I rushed out of the Coffee desperately running, do not know where to escape. A crazy woman of 46 years old, wearing a pair of sandals to 100 meters sprint speed in the gallop, like crying......

32 Symbolize

Violin symbolised excellence, elegant and profound. But for Lulu, violin was carrying the "depression", she put the "repressed" also gave me.

33 To the "West"

In order to be able to play tennis on Saturday morning, Lulu decided to quit the orchestra concertmaster position. The decision to let me in every second feel piercing pain......

34 The ending of the story

The judges play at the party, Sophia's piano technique startled four; on the tennis court, the coach praised Lulu is that "don't give 110% effort, will never leave the matter at that girl".

The end

Thank

This story proves that: in the education of children, Chinese parents are more successful than western parents.

· Content abstract

· Comments to the media and experts

· Chinese mother

· Library catalogue

· The translator's preface (1)

· The translator's preface (2)

"I American mother" the first part (1)

The tiger -- strength and power of the most vivid symbol. Let a person fear, also command esteem.

· China mother (1)

· China mother (2)

· Sophia 1.

· Sophia 2.

· Louisa 1.

· Louisa 2.

"I American mother" the first part (2)

· Lulu instruments (1)

· Lulu instruments (3)

· Lulu instruments (4)

· Lulu instruments (5)

· Lulu instruments (6)

"I American mother" the first part (3)

When I was young I was unaware, because in this comparison I always put others down one side. Only after growing up, I realized that abuse public comparison. In the eyes of my father, our family "dragon lady" -- my grandmother lived a life of ease. She gave me the unusual favor, greatly exceeded all my sisters. At family gatherings, she will be pointing to a sibling, said: "look at your flat nose, what we like the U.S., high and straight nose, beautiful just like we Cai Jia offspring. You know, must be inherited your mom that a family of blood, looks like a monkey."

· Violin (1)

· Violin (2)

· Violin (3)

· Violin (4)

· Violin (5)

· Bubbles and teeth (1)

· Bubbles and teeth (2)

· Bubbles and teeth (3)

· Bubbles and teeth (4)

· Bubbles and teeth (5)

· Bubbles and teeth (6)

· The little white donkey (1)

· The little white donkey (2)

My mother in the USA

Yale professor of child rearing:

The first part of section first (1): the translator sequence

The book tells a story, it is the story of a mother, two daughters and two dogs. Accompanied by piano agitation notes and violin melodious melody, they again how Ron den Carnegie music temple, interpretation of Mozart and Mendelsohn's classic.

You may think, this story to tell the reader in the education and training of children, Chinese parents parents better than western.

In fact, this book focuses on the cultural conflict, the fierce shows such as like floating smoke and passing clouds like passing the praise and glory, and a life in the Chinese America mother, is in front of 13 years old of children with profound respect and humility......

The translator's Preface

"Chinese type mother", "America success"

I is the translation of the book, but also a life in Beijing Chinese mother. In the busy work, I was fortunate to catch in numerous readers before, approached Cai Meier author of the book.

The pages of U.S. children feel real and true, over and over again Marvel U.S. investment and persistent, again and again to experience beauty, charismatic and literally, a step by step into the U.S. anger and sorrow...... U.S. fresh image more and more true to life likeness to show in front of me.

Inadvertently, I was deeply attracted by the beautiful child, moved.

I have to say, the mother do beautiful the son, really shocked!

Trigger price war conjecture

There is no doubt, was born in America, living in USA beauty, is certainly a "American mother". In the book, the children are always proud to call themselves "Chinese mother". In the eyes of the Americans, she was the two "music child prodigy little sisters" mother, legendary, and exudes a Oriental mystery.

The son had two daughters -- Sophia and Louisa, the sister of 17 years old, 13 year old sister. From the beginning of the first semester stepped into the school gate, they kept the door homework is "a record of A". The two sisters from almost 3 years old started practicing the piano. Sister Sophia was 14 years old to play the piano to the temple of music -- the famous Carnegie hall; sister Louisa in 12 years old, sat on the Yale Youth Orchestra concertmaster of the head. A public occasion, their behavior is more refined and courteous, charming, American mother was the envy of his peers as example.

In America this competitive society, they rise above the common herd to America parents exclaimed: "Chinese type mother" is how to get them extremely difficult to achieve "America success"?

Perhaps, this is the book has not yet been published in the USA, led to an important reason for war.

In the economic globalization today, success and Chinese rise and Chinese more make the world sit up and take notice. "China mode" is no longer a just society, and backward and conservative similar pejorative. Especially in 2010 December, the world organization for economic cooperation and development (OECD) published in 34 countries, there are international students assessment (PISA) test, Shanghai students reading, mathematics, science, won the champion, the Chinese education also attracted the attention of people all over the world. And the children of family education Chinese way, Is it right? Also will be more in the future to pay attention to?

The first part of section second (2): the translator sequence

In 2010 October, I was with the president for a month in the USA, and went to several city to visit friends. Talking about this not in America book, my American friends still feel the Chinese type and mother of child education is very "offbeat", this book is likely to cause the western social disputes. In fact, in our Chinese eyes, her practice even beautifully! Perhaps, because of "offbeat" or beautifully, it was worth closer to see what.

"Hard to say" No ""

The son to do "China mother" in western culture American surrounded by overseas Chinese, is not seeking the progenitor of the emotional nature, but to experience intense conflict between the western culture and more seriously, she clearly and firmly believe in and select the Chinese way of children education.

Americans in particular emphasis on respect for children, they often put her right to children. Results children easily choose to give up, because no what people are born to love, the children would open our arms to embrace the light. The son thinks, Western parents to a child's self-esteem worry too much, but as the parents, is not conducive to the protection of their children's behavior, is that you see them in the face of difficulties, give up not as.

Time is fair to everyone, everything you do will have the opportunity cost. So every choice we have made, it means some give up at the same time. And the son of choice, is in the beginning not to give children choose "no effort" opportunities. We see, this is a selection of the best. As for you is to let the children learn to play the piano or the violin, playing guitar and flute, is painting or swimming...... Let the children choose any valuable, meaningful, and then devote oneself heart and soul to, go to all lengths, unremittingly to do. Children will naturally experience, want to do a thing, he needs to do, should strive to what extent. In fact, the process itself, it will let the children in a third benefit for life.

"Youth" never "rebellion"

We are from the thirty-first chapter of "beauty in Red Square", see her with her little daughter Lulu long confrontation and conflict, the roe sauce a little and aroused a great disturbance. Adolescent rebellion waves, destroyed a beautiful years to build dam......

However, the son mother in the America success, and not because of Lulu's rebellion and be cast into the shade, not because of her daughter to resign as chief violin Youth Symphony Orchestra hand position and waste all the previous efforts, although the U.S. in every second feel piercing pain.

In fact, when Lulu active on the tennis court, be "shaved" from the beginning of the competition, to beat New England seed; when Lulu active extension of training time, practicing backhand, and asked the mother for tennis training courses extra for her; when we heard Lulu tennis coach exclamation: "she is the kind of don't give 110% effort, will never leave the matter at that girl." We see clearly, the son has the excellent quality of the pursuit of excellence, deep in her heart; so confident, persistent gene flow in children, become red blood cells; not to mention the difficult violin to the baptism of the soul, sentiment edification, and gives the elegant girl and beautiful! Those who once dreamed of melody, will light gone quietly or disappear?

Finally, please allow me to Bi Mingjian, Jiang Yan, Jingjing, Julie (Julie), Ai Like (Erica) and Jennifer (Jennifer) expressed sincere thanks. Thank you for helping me to read book musical terminology and difficulties, just let me be brought vividly to thousands on thousands of readers and the mother of this book.

Zhang Xinhua

December 20, 2010 in Beijing

The first part of section third (1): China mother

The first part

The tiger -- strength and power of the most vivid symbol. Let a person fear, also command esteem.

1 Chinese mother

In learning to put pressure on their children is whether harmful? How is "strict"? Lively and interesting learning is the first? Living in the Chinese American mother Vs. western mothers.

Many Americans, on the Chinese parents how to successfully cultivate excellent children feel surprised to be not of the common sort. They want to know - "manufacturing" many mathematical elite and music talent, what Chinese parents did; structure of their family is what appearance; China parents' success and they can not be copied.

Okay, let me open the answer, because I was such a Chinese mother.

However, in the mystery before, we'd better have a look first to these I never allowed his daughter Sophia and Louisa entered:

In the night outside

● playmate party in

In the school play piano art

● complain can't play in the school

We often watch TV or play computer games

● select their own love of extracurricular activities

● any homework grades lower than "A"

In sports or art of top-notch, flat and other subjects

● play any instrument other than the piano or violin

In a day not to play the piano or violin

I always think of "broad China mother" this name. Recently, I met a super successful USA white guy, he is from the South Dakota (American readers should have seen him on television). In comparison with our own family "the sacred rules of the religious order", we find that, his blue collar father, just like a "Chinese mother". I also know some from South Korea, India, Jamaica, Ireland and Garner's parents, they also have China parental quality. On the contrary, I know some born in western countries but has China blood mother, they consciously or unconsciously, but did not become a real "China mother".

I also used the "Western parents" this term broadly. Western parents are numerous, different style. In fact, as long as I get out of the house will be sensitive to find, compared with the China parents, be totally different western the way parents educate their children: some serious, some loose. The parents of all kinds of types: gay, Orthodox Judaism, single parent, former hippies, a job in investment banking and came from a military family...... Obviously, no one on the Western parents have the same view on the education of children. Therefore, when I use the term "Western parents", does not mean that all Western parents, as I mentioned "Chinese mother", also cannot represent every China mother.

The first part of section fourth (2): China mother

Although western parents think their children have been strict enough, but they are strictly scale is usually very difficult to close Chinese mother standard. For example, my Western friends asked children to play a musical instrument, half an hour a day, up to an hour, they are believed to have strict with. However, the Chinese mother, the first hour of children playing, like pleasant warm up, and don't stop playing for two or three hours, it is considered a "practice", it has a certain degree of difficulty.

Although we are a commonplace talk of an old scholar of cultural differences have been uninterested, but in bringing up children, there are numerous research aims to confirm the existence of significant differences between Chinese and Western culture.

A pair of 50 Western mothers and 48 Chinese mother survey, 70% of the Western mother thought, "to put pressure on their children in learning approach is harmful", "parents should make learning become lively and interesting way to educate their children". But on the contrary is, without a China mother approved of this idea. Most of the China mother convinced that their children can rise above the common herd in the school, they think "children in academic achievement reflects parents encouraging parent"; if the child can't feel just like a fish in water in the school, that there was "a problem", that parents "serious dereliction of duty". In addition, there are some studies found that, Chinese mother every urge children learning time, is about 10 times the western mother. While Western children, are more interested in school sports team activities, show the talent show one's face in public.

Observation of these phenomena let me find the key to the problem. Perhaps some people think American "mother" and Chinese "homework mother" not what two things, that they may be completely mistaken. And according to the calendar to supervise the child to participate in the training of western "soccer mom", Chinese mother believed:

(1) to complete their studies always comes first; (2) in the examination of "A -" is not qualified; (3) must be the leading two year than classmates in mathematics; (4) must not be in public praise children; (5) if the child and the teacher or coach conflict, do parents must stand firm in the teacher or coach side; (6) the parents only allow their children to participate in extracurricular activities, is that they can win the medal; (7) and must be the gold medal!

The first part of the fifth day: Sophia

2 Sophia

In our "Chinese and Jewish = America" family, her 18 months will know the alphabet, 3 year old "Little Women" reading simplified book and began to learn to play the piano.

Sophia is my first daughter. My husband, Jed is a Jewish American, and I'm a chinese. In this way, our children will become "Chinese American Jewish - USA" people, belonging to one seems rather exotic population. Specifically, in certain social circle, the number of such people also many, especially in the University town.

In English, the name of Sophia on behalf of the "wisdom", but the pronunciation of the word, like my mother to take Chinese granddaughter names - wisdom.

Sophia from the ground up, she shows great rational endowments and special attention, and these quality thanks to her father. At that time, still in swaddling clothes Sophia always quietly to sleep the whole night, don't quarrel; occasionally cry, also has a very clear purpose. At that time, I was writing a story about legal articles (from a law firm I worked in Wall Street for maternity leave, I desperately want to find a university faculty -- so I won't have to return to the Wall Street), just two months old, Sophia seems to have ten points of understanding. Before she was 1 years old, she is so safe and quiet, just sleeping, eating, and staring at a pair of pure and innocent eyes, looked at the brain short circuit often Evans exhausted, i.

Sophia's intellectual development is earlier, she knew the alphabet in 18 months. Our pediatrician from neurological sense denied such a possibility, he insists, it just child's babble out one's first speech sounds. In order to prove this point, he took out a piece of the snake and the unicorn and other small animal disguise oneself big letters pictures. Doctors have a look the picture, look at Sophia, and then turned to look. His sly wink, pointing to the one in his robe, wearing a beret toad is represented by the letter.

"Q!" Sophia with childish voice screaming.

Learned without teacher. The doctor was surprised to mumble.

My doctor's informal test was nervous at the side. Finally at the end of a letter, it was a fly out hundreds of root blood red tongue hydra. "I." Sophia still accurately read it.

Sophia in the kindergarten is very outstanding, especially in mathematics. America method when the other kids were creative, to stick, beads and conical objects and other props learn from 1 to 10, I have been in by rote China type, taught Sophia to add, subtract, multiply, divide, and the fraction and decimal, and they are very difficult to demonstrate the correct answer., beads and conical objects.

Jade and I got married when agreed to let our children, said China Mandarin, but follow the growing up Jewish ritual. (although I grew up in a Catholic family, but religion is not very persistent, because of the Catholic Church in my family did not take deep root, is to then later have more impact.) In retrospect, it is really a ridiculous agreement. Because of my hometown in Fujian Chinese, I do not speak Mandarin, but Jade was not religious. I hired a potential continuously and Sophia speak Mandarin Chinese nanny. When Sophia was two months old, we are the first to celebrate Hanukkah Jewish "" (Hanukkah).

When Sophia grew up a little bit, we found that she seems to absorb the best part of two cultures. She inherited the Jewish world without end pursuit and get to the bottom of the spirit, also from me to learn all kinds of skills. And I'm not referring to any inborn has the skill, but those with Chinese way to cultivate diligence, self-discipline and self confidence, and let these quality expanding skills.

Just 3 years old, Sophia was able to read the "little woman" (LittleWomen) simplified edition, can simple induction, and Chinese write 100 words, not including digital. When I saw America parents tried to praise again and again, to encourage children to complete those such as draw a crooked lines or learn waving sticks this extremely simple task, I found China parents have two things beyond the USA parents: (1) in their children placed higher expectations, more beautiful dream; (2) they care more about their children in life on the road to "walk", "how far can jump" high.

I'm eager to see Sophia can absorb America society the most outstanding cultural, not hope she like many Asian kids, and finally become a robot like freaks - some children from their parents feel unbearable pressure, or even just because in the national civil servant exam and got the second place will go to Dutch act! I hope she is versatile, all-round development, have their own hobbies and was fascinated by the activity, but not any little interest (such as "manual" the direction is not clear; or worse, to practice the drums, finally may be infected with drug abuse), but more meaningful, more difficult to grasp, to develop high artistic attainments, improve its potential interest.

Building on the ideas above, I chose the piano for his daughter.

In 1996, when Sophia was 3 years old, she opened her little arms, ushered in the life of two fresh thing: first piano lesson, and her little sister.

The first part of section sixth (1): Louisa

3 Louisa

Ask her to East West, she insisted, my little daughter is such a "long with angel faces hoyden".

A country song sings, "she was a long angel face wild girl", that is my little daughter lulu. She said, I can not help but think how to tame a wild horse. Even when I was pregnant, little Lulu often in my womb to flex its muscles, and leave a visible "bang foot on my stomach". Lulu's name is Louisa, meaning "the famous warrior". Hi, I was wondering, why are we so young when her for her to take such a name of an awe-inspiring reputation extending in every direction.

Lulu China name "Lulu", namely "Coral" exquisite beyond compare, implied meaning. The Lulu, this name is really an apt. From the birth of the day, Lulu has a special taste. She don't like formulation designed for baby milk powder, also very resistant to pediatricians suggest we feed her milk, so often hungry belly. And Sancho Gandhi selfless and fearless and be totally different strike meditation retreats, hungry Lulu every night waving hands burst out crying. Whenever we China nanny Grace came in time to "rescue", Jade and I are panic like a pair of wearing earplugs, act with confusion. Grace used a touch of abalone and mushrooms taste sauce, cook a taste smooth tofu curd, made Lulu stopped crying, sucked her mouth to eat eat with appetite.

It is difficult to use language to describe my relationship with Lulu, say we between mother and daughter against like a "comprehensive upgrading of nuclear war" and can not make a pointed comment. However, ironically, Lulu and I are very similar: she inherited my hot temper, a good tongue and never personality.

When it comes to people's personality, I do not believe what astrology (I think everyone can not avoid the problem yourself on the road of life), but China traditional twelve zodiac of Sophia and Lulu personality made a perfect explanation. Sophia was born in the year of the monkey monkey Chinese, people generally curious, clever, not what can be got them. Students in the year of the pig are more headstrong, stubborn, his hot temper often "touch and go", but never the resentment in the heart; surely they are honest and reliable, has a fiery heart people. But this is a vivid portrayal of lulu.

Born in the year of the tiger I don't want to be pleased with oneself, blow one's own horn, but tiger people generally noble, brave, strong, they had a commanding presence, and has a natural appeal. They are also be fortune's pet, Beethoven, Sun Zhongshan, who is a tiger.

The first time I conflict and Lulu happened when she was 3 years old.

The city of New Haven, Connecticut, a day of winter in a biting north wind afternoon - that the cold. At Yale Law School professor Jed busy work, while Sophia was in kindergarten. I'm looking for Lulu piano, contact first entered the music of the magical world, but it was a fantastic opportunity.

The first part of section seventh (2): Louisa

A head of brown hair, a pair of round eyes, and a Chinese type baby face, Lulu looks really cute. I am very excited to pick her up in a covered with soft cushion bench. Comfortably seated, I taught her how to on the piano plays a note with a finger. I demonstrated three times, and asked her to do it with me. But Lulu refused to learn to do this simple action, she would have stretched out his hands, with two hand casually on the keys. The piano make horrible sounds strange. I let Lulu "stop", she beat more and more heavy, more and more quickly, more and more excited. I want to embrace her down from the bench, and she kicked, screaming and crying won't stop.

15 minutes later, she was still howling, crying, kicking a. Finally, I could not bear it. To elude her cuff and kick, I put the screaming little devil dragged to the door, throw it into the outdoor porch.

The biting wind at - 6 ℃ low temperature of blowing, just a few seconds, I felt like sharp wind like a knife to scratch my face. However, if the child is wild and intractable, unruly, I prefer to be a child Chinese obedient. In western culture, obedience and dog and hierarchical together; and in the China culture, it is a noble virtue.

"If you don't listen to mother's words, you can't stay in the house." I sternly to Lulu said, "now, do you want to be a good girl, or to stay outside?"

Listen to my words, they went out into the yard. She raises head to looking at me, a face of provocation.

I started to get worried, because Lulu only wearing a sweater, pants and decorated with ruffled lace skirt. She stopped crying, in fact, she was so quiet that people fear.

"Well, you want to be a good boy," I hastened to her a step, said, "now, you can come in."

But Lulu shook his head.

"Lulu, don't be silly. Outside a world of ice and snow, you'll freeze, hurry come!"

The cold wind Sese, Lulu frozen teeth chattering, but she still shook his head, spelling out a wordless "No with a stubborn look". The scene looks really I found myself underestimated. She really is what material do, she would rather stand in the snow to freeze to death, is not willing to yield!

I have to change tactics quickly, I know - and in this war, Diamond cut diamond, I couldn't win! My mind raced, then turned to, beg, cheated and bribery, finally got back to the house. When Jade and Sophia home, they saw Lulu soaked in reeky bath, it is with candied brownies, pleasant to enjoy a cup of sweet rich hot cocoa.

And Lulu underestimated me just defeated and I are re arming themselves.

The battlefield has spread, but Lulu did know nothing at all.

The first part of the eighth section: Tsai family (1)

4 Tsai family

Expand our "America dream" -- father got a PhD from Massachusetts Institute of Technology, us three sisters have also entered the Harvard Law School, Yale University and the Harvard University, master's and doctoral degree at......

My name is "Cai" (Chua) -- Mandarin pinyin is "C à I", I like his name. My hometown is in Fujian Province in southern Chinese, a rich scholars and scientists.

Ming Shenzong years, my father's family, there is a direct ancestor of Cai Wu can do astronomers at court, he is also a philosopher and poet. In 1644, at the time of the Ming Dynasty is facing manqingruguan danger. Because all have a large stock of information, skills, Wu will be appointed emperor imperial court of sydney. The most treasured family heirlooms (in fact, is our only heirloom), by Wu can calligraphy of a 2000 page monograph, the book describes the China oldest classic "book of changes". The leather cover write a "Cai" word family heirloom, now prominently placed in my living room Coffee table.

All my grandparents were born in Fujian. In twentieth Century twenty or thirty time, they have a boat to Philippines, it is said that there are more opportunities, better life.

My grandfather was a gentle, kind teacher, in order to make a living, he had to put down the pointer to sell rice. He was not religious, especially good at doing business. But grandma is a very beautiful and devout Buddhists, although she believes a Buddism godness Guanyin Bodhisattva is not valued material enjoyment, but she still wanted her husband business more prosperous, thriving.

My grandfather operation fish sauce business, he is a good tempered businessman. And my grandfather, not religious, but also missed the business. I know a thing or two grandmother after the second world war do plastic products business (mainly the production of plastic containers for Johnson company) made a lot of money, then, she put the surplus is changed into gold and diamond. Become rich, she bought a magnificent mansion in Manila's most prestigious community. Later, my grandma and my uncle started the collection of Tiffany glass products in Honolulu (Tiffanyglass), Marie? Cassatt (MaryCassatt) and Braque (Braques), paintings, and has the independent property rights apartment in Honolulu. At the same time, they converted to Protestantism, and at the dinner table with a fork and spoon instead of the western Chinese chopsticks, live more and more like americans.

My mother was born in 1936 in China, and parents moved to Philippines, she was just two years old. Later the Japanese occupation of Philippines. In the war years, she lost her still in swaddling clothes little brother. I will never forget his mother had described to me the terrorist picture: a group of Japanese soldiers grabbed uncle, they grabbed his neck forced him to open mouth, and then while desperately to his irrigation, and brutally grimly, want to have a look poor uncle would like a balloon that slam bang hyperinflation.

In 1945, Douglas, general Macarthur led the army? American liberation of Philippines.

Mother remember American jeeps through the streets, to throw canned ham stop into the crowd at the soldiers, was just a little girl, after military vehicles along the way as cheerful as a lark.

After the war, his mother to a monk run middle school. There, she converted to catholicism. Later, at the top of her class honors graduate of St. Thomas University, and obtained a degree in chemical engineering.

The first part of the Ninth Section: Tsai family (2)

My father is always full of yearning for immigration American. A mathematical genius, fond of astronomy and philosophy to seek nothing but profits, with him, in the business field of cheating on the family business cherish an undying, instinctively against each family as he made arrangements. Even when he was a little boy, he desperately looking for the opportunity to America. Later, Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Massachusetts approved his application for admission, he finally "dream come true".

The father in 1961 formally to the mother to marry him, for some time the same year late, and they both came to boston. Didn't know, this place is USA soul. They use small scholarships maintain their daily expenses, can't even afford heating costs in winter. In their early to the two winter in Boston, often wrapped in a blanket to keep warm. But less than two years, my father got his PhD, and in West Lafayette, Indiana Purdue University teaching assistant.

Grew up in the Midwest America, me and my three sister always feel we are different with others.

Every day we must use insulation box will Chinese lunch to school, and I am eager to like the other students to eat a piece of clip sausage sandwich! Parents ask us that Chinese words at home, if a little slip of the tongue, in the words with one or two English words, immediately punished: hand with chopsticks, but was hit. Every afternoon, we have the mathematical, practicing the piano, my parents never allowed us to pass the night with friends. Each day he returned home in the evening, I would respectfully as he took off his shoes and socks, handed slippers.

Our results notification must be the pink of perfection - our friends may be due to several subjects are "B" and get parents reward, can we even in the "A" only one "A -", will make parents feel embarrassed. Remember the eight grade year, I won the second place in a history exam, students and parents attended the award ceremony. A classmate as a result obtained Kiwanis award, still be special praise. After the award ceremony, I remember my father just said a words to me: "don, don't let me like this to shame!"

My friends heard this story, they usually think of my childhood terror matchless, but this is not true. In fact, this let outsiders feel strange in the family, I absorbed some of the strength and confidence. In the beginning American into society, we all like some outsiders; but gradually, we integrate America society, become americans.

I remember my father work every night until 3 a.m.. He is so focused, and often not aware we walked into the room. I still remember the excitement he recommended Mexico tacos, sloppy Joe spicy minced meat sandwiches, Dairy Queen and other flavors of Food, and can open the belly to eat buffet, not to mention those to take us to go sledding, skiing, to catch crabs and camp fun time.

Remember the primary school, a USA boys laughed at my hotel will be the word "restaurant" into "rest-OW-rant", as he did look down gestures and imitate my accent, while laughing. At that moment, I vowed to get rid of my Chinese accent. In the girl scouts, hula hooping, poetry contest, to the public library, read a book in the "America revolution daughter essay contest" prize, as well as parents to join America Ji and proud, gave me left a deep impression, still feel be visible before the eyes.

The first part of the tenth section: Tsai family (3)

In 1971, his father received a letter of appointment to teach at University of California, then, our family packed up to American western city of Berkeley. There, his long hair, wearing a "peace" mark jacket. Later, he became interested in collecting Wine, and built a can accommodate thousands of bottles of Wine cellar. In his theory of chaos on their own and become international famous scholar, we began to travel around the world. The second grade my high school in London, Munich in Germany and Switzerland in Lausanne. Under the leadership of his father, we even left his footprints on the far north.

However, my father is still a China type parents.

The selection and application of the University, he insisted that I enrolled in the University of California at Berkeley (at that time, I was admitted to this university), and to live in the home. That is to say, I have to face a completely no campus life learning this choice makes me very painful. I began to defy fuming, as the year of his family rebel. I faked his signature, quietly for me a is located in the east coast school people talk about. When I open my secret action, tell my father I had been admitted to Harvard University, his reaction was really made me surprise -- from gradually become the daughter be furious pride, he tossed about all night.

Although in her home will have a touch of sadness linger in his mind, but he later enjoy many proud moment -- I graduated from Harvard Law School Graduate Certificate of his two daughters; Summergate carries out of the Yale University and Yale Law School; and he is the most happy, is his three daughters - also attended Harvard University, and got a master's and doctoral degree there.

American changing people living there.

When I was 4 years old, his father once said to me: "you will marry to marry chinese. Non Chinese men marry? Well, as long as I breathe, is absolutely no way!" But in the end, I had married Jade, a Jewish americans. Today, my husband and father had become the best of friends.

When I was little, my parents especially for the disabled and no sympathy. Even today, many Asians will be disabled as a shame. Therefore, in my youngest sister beauty tapes with Down's syndrome of congenital disability came to this world, my mother often poor little daughter sad tears, some relatives also advised us to take her to the charity in Philippines. But she did not do so, she visited in special education for the disabled teacher, many have contacted the parents of disabled children. Soon, she began not to mind taking the trouble to spend a lot of time, and the sound playing jigsaw together, and teaching her how to paint. When the beautiful sound of the primary school, my mother taught her to read, practise multiplication and she. Now, the sound has been in the International Special Olympics swimming has won two gold medals.

Worry about the thousands of years of splendid Chinese civilization here can not be, to not marry Chinese I seem to have had a little regret. But for me, more is to American gives us freedom and opportunity to be deeply grateful. My daughter lives in USA no longer exotic feeling (I sometimes), but for me, that hint of nostalgic and not a burden, but more like a privilege.

The first part of the eleventh day: on the wane? 1.

5 on the wane?

My greatest fear is that the decline of the family. China has a spell like saying -- "the rich but three generations." If someone in the two generation of achievement for a longitudinal study, I am sure, they will be in China immigrants who recently 50 years to graduate from university or technical workers identity fortunately came to American in, found a common survival mode. This pattern is as follows:

Immigrant generation (like my parents) are always hard work, many people came to American almost is on one's uppers. They work from dawn to night, endless work, until achieve success and win recognition, become engineers, scientists, doctors, academics and businessmen. As parents, they are super tough elders and save money on food and expenses of the frugal - "don't throw leftovers!" "Why do you use so much detergent?" "You don't need to go to beauty salons, my barber technology better than them." They seldom drink, will save the money for real estate investment. What they do every thing, have earned every penny, all is in order to invest in the education of the children, they have different expectations and their future.

Second generation immigrants (like me) is the first generation born in USA, typical characters of their great achievements. They usually play the piano, violin, get into an Ivy League school; as a special talent, lawyers, doctors, bankers, TV host. Their income is far beyond the parents, one hand is because they earn more, partly due to the parents of the huge investment in them. Unlike their parents as frugal, they like to drink cocktails. Women usually marry whites; whether male or female, they treat their children don't like their parents strict.

Third generation immigrants (like Sophia and Louisa) are those that let us lie awake at night in bed, harried people. Because of their parents and grandparents, grandmother strenuous efforts, the third generation of people born in the living condition is very comfortable in the family. In childhood, they have a lot of hardcover books (in the first generation immigrants - our parents, it have the luxury of almost crime); some rich, scores for the "B+" friend. No matter do not enter into the private schools, they are eager to wear expensive designer clothing. Finally, the problem is, they believed that personal rights are protected by the constitution of the America, so reluctant to obey their parents will listen to their parents' occupation, advice. In short, all phenomena show that, the third generation is going downhill.

Although the children's road to rely on their own to go, but Sophia was born, I still hope that she be clever and sensible, self-respect; I told myself, can't let "the rich but three generations" curse in my home, can not have a no true skill and genuine knowledge and arrogant kid, can't let my family to go into a cul-de-sac.

This is why I insisted on Sophia and Lulu learning classical music. I know, I can't let them for life in a poor immigrant family and work hard. The status quo -- we live in a big house. I can't change the old life; there are two decent car; go on holiday, in high-grade hotel. But I'm sure is, compared with me and my parents, Sophia and Lulu to accept a better education and more plasticity. While classical music will not let people down, not lazy, don't teach people are rude, also won't spoil the child. On the contrary, it will drive my children reach I failed to achieve the goal, and it with our ancestors make one's ancestors illustrious cultural traditions are closely linked.

The first part of the twelfth day: on the wane? 2.

My "anti corruption movement" and other important parts. Like my parents, I also asked Sophia and Lulu can speak fluent China words, become a straight-A students in school. "Every time the exam answer after must remember to check 3 times," I told them, "to learn, to verify each and every one of you don't know the word, to accurately remember their definitions." In order to make sure they don't like Romans in Empire Falls have a lead a luxurious and dissipated life, life, I also insist that they do some physical work.

I have more than once told her daughter: "at the age of 14, I with a hoe and shovel dug a swimming pool." This was a little bit true. The swimming pool near the Too vast lake built me that my father bought next to the cabin, only 3 feet deep, 10 feet square, but "small but complete".

I also like talking to girls: "every Saturday morning, I was vacuuming, I am responsible for half of the area, complete the other half sister. I have to clean the toilet, in weeding the yard, logging. I had for my father built a rockery garden, had to carry 50 pounds of big stone. This is why I was so strong, tough."

I hope the daughter as much time as possible to improve the piano art, so does not require them to cut wood or dig a pond. But I also try to let them carry heavy things, for example, her dress was full to the brim of the clothes basket, ran upstairs downstairs, Sunday will be responsible for throwing garbage, suitcase when traveling. Interestingly, tenderness toward woman Jade this is a natural repugnance, he could not let the girls take the heavy, heavy work, always worry about hurt their tender back.

Teach our children experience, I constantly remember parents for once I said those words. "With an open mind, be humble, to be simple." My mother always told us, "the last is the most anterior." I think she really wanted to say is "-- make sure you come out in front, so that you will have a modest cost." But the principle of father is -- "do not blame everyone and everything but not oneself or find an excuse. If what happened in the school looks to you unfair, you will redouble their efforts to gain more achievements to prove yourself!" I also tried to the life and work principles instilled in Sophia and Lulu.

Like my parents, I also try to get more respect from Sophia and Lulu. However, a little this is my most unsuccessful. When I was growing up, I'm afraid the opposition of the parents, but Sophia is not afraid, Lulu is more make nothing of. We live in a society, the Americans to convey to draw further apart children things and Chinese culture. In China culture, children questioned parents, don't obey parents discipline, or with the elders talk back, is not allowed. In America culture, books, TV shows and movies, are frequently for the children to agile retort, independent personality clap. Especially some American parents, seems to be required by the children to give them a vivid life course.

The first part of the thirteenth section: the virtuous cycle (1)

6 benign circulation

The first three Sophia piano teacher, are not suitable for her.

The first teacher is an old Russian woman, her name is Eleanor, are our neighbors. She dressed in style of old skirt, knee length stockings; in teaching, from first to last all the noodles have no facial expression, as if she had brought the whole world of sadness a shoulder. She came to my house to do tutor, if only to yourself to practice the piano for an hour, and Sophia and I just sit on the couch listening to her play, and feel the sense of anguish and suffering. The end of the first class, I feel very collapse, while Sophia has been playing her paper dolls. I dare not tell Eleanor she cannot piano teacher's work, worried that she would weep. I just told her, and we look forward to the next time she piano lessons, I will contact with her so.

We tried second piano teacher, was a little strange. He has short hair, wearing round glasses in Phnom Penh, served in the army, known as the "MJ". MJ always wears a suit, tie, from the appearance, you very difficult to judge the sex, but I like the simple style. Meet for the first time, MJ told us, Sophia is a natural piece of music material. Unfortunately, three weeks later, we as usual to MJ's house to go to class, while MJ has vanished from the. We only see the house put a different furniture, lived in a complete stranger.

Third teachers Richard is a soft spoken, hips, fun jazz man. He said that he had a two-year-old daughter. For the first time met the importance, he would talk too much to live in the moment and how to enjoy pleasure in good time, to Sophia and me a good lesson. Unlike other traditional teacher will follow the prescribed order to teach, he said he disdains the use of others written textbooks; he emphasizes improvised play and self expression. Richard thought that music is not what rules to follow, as long as you're feeling it, no one has the right to judge you; and those of the commercial operation and the so-called fight at outrance competition, has destroyed the piano world.

Poor guy, I guess he doesn't have the ability to do the piano teacher.

As Chinese immigrant family daughter, I didn't put together or make up their rule time. I want to maintain the family honor, for a day of aging parents pride and self-esteem. I like definite goal, to see the road to success is determined!

It is for this reason, I very much appreciate the teaching Suzuki piano. It has 7 books, each person must start from the first volume of entry; every book has 10 to 15 songs, the Aikidoka must step by step by practicing. While the children are hard to put into practice, as is every week can learn a new song. If a song to practice for several weeks, or even months, they will feel tired and give up practice. Anyway, at least some children learn Suzuki materials through, piano art is increasing faster than others - children who study and train hard, will 4 years old than 6 years old. At the age of 6, than the 16 year old cow.

Manufacturing "music child prodigy", Suzuki teaching system reputation abroad.

What happened to Sophia, to verify the Suzuki piano teaching legend. At that time, Sophia was only 5 years old, he Suzuki piano teaching famous teacher Michel. Michel in the New Haven known as a community music school places, have a huge piano studio. There, she with great patience and keen insight, found Sophia. She not only appreciate Sophia talent in music, and let Sophia fell in love with the piano.

The first part of the fourteenth section: the virtuous cycle (2)

Suzuki piano teaching method was made for Sophia. She learns quickly, and be able to consciously stay after class, devote oneself heart and soul to prolong exercise time, that Sophia had been to benefit from the advantages Chinese culture in the education of children. And the school most Western students parents, all the children come here to practice holding liberal and permissive attitudes. I remember there was a girl named Aubrey, for a long time, every day she had to practice only a minute, but when she was 7 years old. Some children practicing is paid - large sundae, or big box Lego brand toys assembled. Many students also to all sorts of excuses to escape from the practice, even if is often absent in teaching days.

The most notable feature Suzuki piano teaching method, is the hope that parents can also observe each music lesson, which is conducive to urge the children at home to practice. That is to say, Sophia piano lessons, from first to last I have to "study". So, I have music influence. When I was young, I also have a piano lesson, but my parents didn't have the money to hire a good teacher, therefore, I can only accept the guidance of a neighbor. During the lecture, he occasionally hosted Tupperware household plastic products company. Following Sophia's teacher, I can learn a lot of music theory and related knowledge of history.

Because of my company, Sophia every day for at least 90 minutes weekends practising, uninterrupted. In the school days, we practice time will be doubled. All the things I help Sophia remember she learned, even the teacher did not teach content. And I, don't give Sophia any money reward. I think, this is also the reason we can step down method of teaching Suzuki piano level and the fundamental reason.

Other parents of students will practice the target for a year to finish a book, we from the first book - Star Variations (TwinkleVariations) entry; 3 months later, Sophia began to play the second volumes of Schuhmann Piano (Schumann); 6 months later, she advanced third copies -- written by Clement Sonatina Sonata (Sonatina). But I still feel slow.

Now, I should have know that fact clear. I know, I have such a mother, but Sophia is not happy. I urged Sophia to practice days, she remembered that I had 3 pet phrase:

The 1 day, how did you get worse and worse!

2 hurry up, I wait, you have to find the tone!

3 if the next time you missed a note, I'll put all your furry little animal into the fire burned to ashes!

Now in retrospect, these "have plenty of fight in sb." supervise operations mode seems a bit excessive, but they are really very effective. Sophia and I, really is a natural understanding and combination. I will look for things "a tendon end", while Sophia is more mature, patient, compassionate - which I should have excellent quality has been deleted. She believes that her mother know, what is the best choice for her. Even though I sometimes be furious or offend by rude remarks, she will forgive me.

At the age of 7, Sophia in a local piano competition, with the song by Norway composer Edward? Grieg created the "Butterfly" (Butterfly), won her first medal. "Butterfly" is Grieg's 66 lyric music of a song, in which each tiny fragments, are intended to arouse the audience unique mood and as boundless as the sea and sky imagination, showing butterfly light elegant state and cheerful comfortable taste. Only spend a lot of time, hard exercise, will it be possible to achieve such a beautiful artistic conception.

China parents aware of this truth: become expert process, in fact, no fun at all. To master any skill, must pay the hard work. While the kids are by nature, will not love to. Therefore, the start their choice not to "work hard" opportunity, so it is of vital importance to.

Put forward a very high request to the toughness of the rebellion in the child parents. Everything is hard in the beginning, in the extremely difficult "the beginning", many Western parents will choose to give up. However, if used properly, Chinese parenting strategy will bring a virtuous cycle. To excellence unremittingly, must practice, practice, practice; and USA parents don't appreciate the mechanical repetition. In fact, whether it is playing the piano or the mathematical, once the children showed exceptional talent, will get the praise, admiration and satisfaction. This will lay the foundation for their confidence in life, and to make the extremely hard and bitter, no fun activities become full of fun. Such benign loop, make easy for parents to guide children to mount a new step harder.

The winners of the concert, when I look at Sophia's fingers, like the wings of a butterfly fluttering down, on the keys as most, I resist the sense of pride, joy and longing. I am unable to hold oneself back to looking forward to tomorrow -- tomorrow, I will and Sophia together, redouble our efforts, toward the vast strides towards music......

The second part fifteenth: "tiger" Yun "(1)

7 "tiger". "

I am in Harvard law school achievement is outstanding, is because of hard work I almost like crazy. My article even published in the fierce competition in the "Harvard Law Review". It was there, I met my future husband, Jed, my editor at.

As with those close to the 30 year old Asian America women, I thought, to the theme of mother daughter relationship, in my own family's story for the outline, writing a run through generations of epic novels. Long before Sophia was born in New York, I worked for a Wall Street firm, this idea has been sprouting.

Thank God, I was the darling of fate. Because today, major decisions in my life, for the "hit the mark by a fluke". I began to study the application of mathematics in Harvard University, because I think that would please the parents; but then I gave it up, it is because my father watched I was a math problem of torture for a whole winter, he said that I go on like this will destroy their own mind, therefore, save me from the digital game. But I also mechanically to economics, thought it was probably more like a science. I with "dual career families commuting patterns" wrote on my graduation thesis, the boring that I simply do not remember how I got the conclusion.

I was on the Harvard Law School, mainly because I don't want to go to medical school. I was in law school achievement is outstanding, is because of hard work I almost like crazy. My article even published in the fierce competition in the "Harvard Law Review" (HarvardLawReview). It was there, I met my future husband

Jed - I was editor. The law is not always worried that I really want to serve for life in the vocation, I do not like other people that care about the rights of criminals, no matter when professor to ask me questions, my brain is like a frozen stiff. I'm not a natural question, love a person, I just want to remember everything about the professor, and then by rote.

The second part sixteenth: "tiger" Yun "(2)

The reason I went to work in a Wall Street law firm after graduation, because to do so without any effort, logical. Because of doesn't like running a lawsuit, I choose the company legal business. I work quite well, and I am good at dealing with people, understanding of customer needs, and turn them into legal documents. However, after 3 years of life, I feel all the time in the comic in make grand gestures. I'm all through the night and investment bankers to the drafting of legal documents, in everybody for hundreds of millions of dollars in business and be mentally and physically exhausted, out of all the minor details, I suddenly had a compulsion: just want to arouse my five senses do a eye, bulging cheek, then grimaced.

However, Jade is very love laws, this difference is really let me be inferior by comparison.

Especially in the 80's of the twentieth Century, company mergers and acquisitions boom be raging like a storm, Jed obsessed with writing briefs for law firms, legal proceedings, and successful. Later, he was America attorney office work, sued several members of the Mafia, also is always enjoy it. He took great interest in the "privacy" theme to write an article, copious and fluent 100 pages long, and he did make smooth reading, and published in the US as a student would have worked out "Harvard Law Review" (this journal nearly uniform just published article written by a professor).

Since then, Dean of Yale law school invited Jade to teach, although I was so eager to like my father works in a university, but the enviable distinction or first fell on her husband. Before Sophia was born, he was a tenured professor at Yale Law School, office, this is his dream of working. He is also the hospital staff of only one of the most junior professors, such as the golden boy, was a pile of the same staring at the professorship of colleagues around full of wit.

I thought that I was the kind of idea a lot, man of rich imagination, but in front of his colleagues, my idea seems not to be worth a hair. We had just moved to New Haven, I was pregnant with Sophia. Jade told several positions in the law school friend, "said I also want to be a professor in the school of law". However, when the legal issues of interest when they talk about me, but I like a stroke patients unable to think, unable to speak, it makes me feel very sad. I forced myself to join the conversation, but confusion, ambiguity, talk insincerely.

When I decided to write an epic novel when, unfortunately Jade saw my manuscript, his deputy about to speak, but saying nothing, almost didn't laugh out loud funny it seems to tell me, I do not seem to have such talent. In addition, there are Maxine? Red? Kingston, Amy II and Zhang Rong tan?, already in their creation "the woman warrior" (WomanWarrior:memoirsofagirlhoodamonggHosts), "the Joy Luck Club" (TheJoyLuckClub) and "hung" (WildSwans), successfully The early bird catches. At first, I was devastated, grouchy, but soon, I will have to re position their ideas. Considering the specialty I read law and immigrant family background, I intend to open up their own world in law and race developing areas. And racial problems, is no matter when and where I perpetual issue. At that time, but also very few people study the law and development, and this is just my specialty.

Lucky star appears in the head shining.

After Sophia's birth, I wrote an article, the content is about Latin America and Southeast Asia privatization, nationalization and ethnic characteristics, and published in the "Columbia Law Review" (ColumbiaLawReview). This masterpiece at the bottom, I related to the country of the school issued a law faculty, application, and bold appointment Committee of Yale law school should be invited to an interview.

At the Yale University looks a bit terrifying Murray (Mory 's) restaurant, I and appointment Committee Professor, chat while eating lunch. Much to my surprise, two professors an excuse to leave early, leave the dean of the law school in two hours later, and I was in New Haven, Italy style architecture as boundless as the sea and sky to a well off.

I didn't get the Yale full-time teaching work, that is to say, I had lunch interview screwed up, be Jade school refused. That's not good. It makes my social activities become a bit awkward.

However, this also lets me to relax a while. Sophia was two years old, Duke University School of law to send me a letter of appointment, I be overjoyed, unable to hold oneself back to accept, and moved to North Carolina to Durham.

The second part seventeenth: Lulu instruments (1)

8 Lulu instrument

Lulu of the music has a near perfect feeling. Unfortunately, she hates training, practice often distracted, not talking about the birds outside, is......

Durham -- I like this place.

My colleagues generous, be courteous and accessible, intellectual virtues, I made many friends there. Life is only not teach my husband, Jed is still 500 miles away in Yale University. However, we take turns back and forth between Durham and New Haven, or it through those two days of separation.

In 1999, Sophia was 7 years old, Louisa is 4 years old, Law School of New York University invited me to do a visiting scholar, time is 6 months. I don't want to leave Durham, but from New York to New Haven but near many. Therefore, I packed my bags and went to Manhattan.

The 6 months of pressure can be really big ah!

In the law educational world, "access" means to join the ranks of the teaching, the real thing to do. Almost an entire semester, everyone you must give there stay smart good impression, but also face was almost they had taken the reality - for example: "Benedict, I want to say without mincing words to ask you, you are out of the ordinary of the new mode of thinking, Is it right? Than you expected to have a more lasting significance?" "Law and Lacan in you write" "(LawandLacan) a note 81, your stated view is very dangerous, I'm not sure if I were you convinced. Do you mind if I take it to my classroom to teach this?" ]

When considering let Sophia enter the school, we found that Manhattan was "have a well-deserved reputation". Jade and I were introduced to the third grade elementary school students in the world, we find that little guy by trusts a set of training plan, prepare for high school graduates entering the University before USA Standard Test of SAT, which looks like a toddler, but forced to catch adult with vigorous strides as funny. We finally decided to send Sophia to the New York third public school, but very close to the school, in the opposite of our rental apartments street. And Lulu will undergo a series of tests, go to pre-school.

The second part eighteenth: Lulu instruments (2)

I very much hope that Lulu can enter a church run preschool. The church is very beautiful, be riotous with colour windows shining charming brilliance in the sun. Lulu alone into the test chamber. A short span of 5 minutes, the admissions office director took Lulu came out. A small test of all normal, and not what that something was wrong, she just wanted to talk to me to confirm, Lulu Is it right? Can't count.

"Oh, oh, of course she can count!" I explained in surprise, "please give me a little time."

I put my daughter aside. "Lulu!" I dropped her voice, "what do you want? This is not to make fun of!"

Lulu frowned, "I only in the heart to count." She said.

"You can't just have a heart of 'number', you must say it out loud, let the lady know you can count! She is testing you. If you can't count to see her, you cannot enter the school!"

"I don't want this school!"

As I mentioned before, I do not think that the child will have any benefit to bribery, influence on the growth of. International Convention for the United Nations and the organization for economic cooperation and development of the traffic all prohibit bribery; but, even to bribery, it is also the children to bribe by parents. But at that moment, I really be compelled helpless, rush into danger.

"Lulu," I said quietly, "if you can count, I'll give you a lollipop, will take you to the bookstore."

Then, I put the Lulu back. "She's ready." I speak.

This time, the admissions director allowed me into the test room. After taking a seat, she put the 4 stones on the table, and then let Lulu count.

Lulu glance at the table of pebbles, and then said: "11, 6, 10, 4."

At that moment, I was cold, really want to pull her to find a stitched. But the admissions director unusually calmly plus 4 stone, "is now a few bucks, Lulu, can you count?"

This time, Lulu looking pebbles see for a while, "6, 4, 1, 3, 0, 12, 2, 8."

I could not bear it: "Lulu, stop, stop horsing around!"

"No, not...... Just a minute, please. The admissions office director raised his hands, an amused look on her face. She turned to Lulu: "Louisa, I know you want to count, in their own way to?"

Lulu steals a glance (she knows that her mother has disappointed), and then, gently nodded.

"There are 8 pieces of stone," the admissions director to amiable tone of Lulu said, "although your answer out of the ordinary, but you are right. Your answer in their own way, this is a commendable thing, is our school to advocate the spirit of."

I found the lady like Lulu, finally gasped. In fact, a lot of people like Lulu, attracted by her never ingratiation personality. "Thank God, we live in USA", I was lucky, because of the revolution, rebellion spirit is certainly in the American undoubtedly.

The second part nineteenth: Lulu instruments (3)

The funny thing is, Lulu was in love with her new school, and Sophia school life is not so happy, she is at school is always a little bit shy. At the meeting, Sophia's teacher told us, she never taught like Sophia so good students, but also to Sophia's social concern, because she always have no contact with anyone at lunch and recess time, often holding a Book Wu comfortable campus stroll, stroll. Jade and I'm surprised, but when we asked Sophia "had in school how to", her answer is always "yes, interesting."

The stay in New York is really long and long term. I even tried to accept the appointment, New York University, however, the pace of life is not as straight forward as we expected. I'm developing democracy and national, published a law review article. Because the policy-making circles warmly, Yale law school finally opened the door to me, employ me as a tenured professor. That day, 7 years later, do not go after lunch interview, I accepted the job, delighted with hints of wry bitter. Our nomadic life ended -- Jed no longer in two inter city travel, be kept constantly on the run, Sophia and Lulu on the primary school in new haven.

At that time, Lulu also began to follow Sophia in the community school of music piano teacher Michel practicing playing the piano. And I, then head into a two pair of heavy shoulders life. I have to get up at 5 in the morning, writing for half a day, work and life as a professor of law at Yale. Then ran home, do take care of two daughters "homework", while in the discipline difficult Lulu, always little not mutual threats, blackmail and extortion "".

In fact, Lulu is a natural musician, with almost perfect feeling for music. Unfortunately, she hates training, practice often distracted, not talking about the birds outside, is concerned about the spots on my face. Nevertheless, the Suzuki piano learning materials, she still progress very fast. In the concert, she never like sister did played flawlessly, but, in technology, refine on deficiencies, she will come up to highlight the style and personality.

During that time, I thought that Lulu should start learning new instruments.

Some friends of the children grew up, they told me to "come" tone, in music, two daughters should have different interests, such can be minimized between siblings competition. This gave me great inspiration, because of Sophia's piano was playing pretty well, in the award-winning frequent, local small famous, and often invited to schools, churches and community organizations are playing. Every place we went, Lulu had to sit in the audience, feel the people praise the sister was heat.

So, what kind of new instrument for Lulu?

My father-in-law, mother-in-law, the liberal Jewish intellectuals have a distinct tendency. They know that Lulu wild and intractable character, learned little granddaughter in practice the piano when the screaming, they urged me to choose an easier instrument, put the granddaughter.

The second part twentieth: Lulu instruments (4)

"Select the recorder?" The father-in-law match (Sy) suggested. Race is a burly man, looks like in Greek mythology, the king of the gods Zeus, majestic-looking. He has been engaged in the clinical treatment of psychology in Washington DC, has a wealth of practical experience. He was filled with music, and a loud, deep voice. In fact, Jade's sister, also with the wonderful mellow voice. Look, Sophia and Lulu better with music in gene family.

"Learning clarinet?" My mother-in-law Florence heard game proposal, a be hardly worthy of belief expression. "How boring boring!" She said.

Florence is an art critic, live in New York city. Recently, she has just published Clement in the controversial critic of modern art? The biography of Greenberg. Greenberg the timely discovery of the Jackson? Pollock and America Abstract expressionism. Florence and the match has been divorced for 20 years, no matter what race published opinions, she always out of tune. "Why don't you learn something more exciting musical instruments, such as Gamelan? Or beat the drums?"

Florence is a very elegant woman, love adventure, feel at home wherever one goes. Many years ago, she embarked on a tour of Indonesia. There, she was fascinated by the Javanese Gamelan: that is the small orchestra composed of 15 to 20 musicians, sat cross legged on the floor, with like ping Gong (kempul, a group composed of different tones hanging Gong), copper (Saron chin, Metallophone a great) or Tonggu (bonang, with a drumstick percussion, sounds like bells of double drum) such a percussion instrument.

Interestingly, the same and my mother-in-law, the French composer Claude? Debussy II had the same opinion of Gamelan percussion, and that the gamelan reflects a kind of revolution. In 1895, Debussy says Gamelan Music "to express each kind of obscure meaning in a letter to a friend, even those with very dark tone". Later, he also published an article, the Java man described as "Amazing Race", saying they "master musical skills like learning to breathe as natural, relaxed. The rhythm of the waves, the wind through the leaves, and from the nature of twitter countless other, composed of Javanese music heaven; they listen to, without reference to any one cannot make out a good case of academic papers".

In my opinion, then Debuchy is experiencing a fascination with the exotic life stages. The same thing happened in his French partner Henry? Rousseau and Paul? And who, Polynesian indigenous has been featured on the canvas. In modern California, we can find that wouldn't die legacy: suffering from yellow fever men only and Asian women, sometimes even a and ten partner relationship, and whether she is Asia, where he looks how ugly. Perhaps because of this terrible record, I was the first Asian female Jed dating.

Perhaps, I can't appreciate hearing in 1992 we visit Indonesia gamelan music, because the worship me of difficulties and achievements relations almost blind.

Don't know I have cried many times on the show: "all the extraordinary significance, worth pursuing things, is full of hardships! You know, in order to get me to work at Yale University today, I paid a number of efforts, have gone through a number of bumpy road?" The gamelan music is fascinating, because it is so simple, simple, without carve, repeated. On the contrary, the creation of Debuchy's dazzling, beautiful music, but reflects the complex, aspiring, ingenious design, and in the sense of the deliberate pursuit of harmony. Of course, also reflects the influence of gamelan music of composers, this involved at least clearly in a part of his music. It's like the splendor of Palace of Versailles and the fresh countryside bamboo house, have be totally different beauty.

I once blowing clarinet, but in any case, I can't let Lulu to beat gongs and sound drums! My intuition and father-in-law, mother-in-law opposite. I firmly believe that, to get rid of her successful "shadow", Lulu only to practice more difficult, more exquisite artistry of musical instruments.

This instrument, the violin is non!

Not ask Lulu's opinion, put aside all the suggestions, advice, and from that day on, I made the iron nail decision.

The second part section twenty-first (1): Violin

The 9 violin

The violin at Lulu's hand, is shown with Lulu seems to have eight life. However, urged her to practice often make we both like jungle tigers and wild boar like "bloody battle a".

In public with their children and other children to compare, this is afraid is many Chinese doing the worst thing.

Undeniable, my grandmother is an extreme example, however, many Chinese always again and again three to do the same thing.

Recently, I went to a pharmacy, the shop owner told me, he has two children -- 6 year old daughter and 5 year old son. "My daughter," he said, "she is clever, the only trouble is not very concentrated energy. My son is stupid, unlike my daughter so clever."

Another time, the game the audience, my friend Catherine and a daughter of view game Chinese mother chat together. The Chinese mother told Catherine, her daughter is a student at Brown University, she will lose the game. "My daughter weak and incompetent," she said, and shook his head, "her sister to the Harvard University, much better than her."

I know, since parents prefer a benefit without harm, but in Chinese position, I want to emphasize two points.

First of all, in any kind of culture, we can find the parents of the child's preference. In the Old Testament first volume of "Genesis" (Genesis), the son of Abraham and Isaac (Isaac) preference for sons Esau (Esau), and (Rebekah) are more like Rebekah Jacob (Jacob). Green fairy tales of the brothers also has three brothers, they had never been parents treat. Conversely, not all China parents are eccentric eye. In China "five brothers" (TheFiveChineseBrothers) in the middle, we can't see China mother prefers quaff sea son, still prefer the neck hard like iron son.

The second part section twenty-second (2): Violin

Secondly, I do not believe that the parents of the children all comparisons are harmful. Jade has been criticized me for Sophia and Lulu comparison. Well, I am the Lulu said -- "I let Sophia do what thing, she agreed at once, this is the reason why she made rapid progress." Westerners have misread my intention -- in fact, I do not prefer Sophia, on the contrary, I expressed to Lulu's confidence. I believe, she can do anything Sophia can do, and Lulu its strong enough to ensure that she can deal with me. I also know, Lulu always compare in my heart and my sister. This is also the reason that I sometimes on Lulu particularly harsh, I don't want her to indulge in their inner doubts.

Because of this, Lulu to send the first lesson that morning, before the new teacher she wants to see her, I said to her: "Lulu, you're 6 years old. Sophia in 7 and a half years old, won the school of music performance award, I think your winning time even earlier."

Lulu's reaction is very bad: "I hate the game, also do not want to learn what the violin!" She simply refused to violin lessons. I threatened to beat her little ass, but don't eat dinner (at that time, it still works). A good trick Tongwei forced, finally put the Lulu to the community music school. There, Lulu Suzuki violin teacher Carle Shugart received us?.

The 50 year old Mr Shugart has a sparse hair and students like face. He is the one that is particularly good at dealing with children, and parents together, it reveals a bit of cold and embarrassment, and seldom open our eyes. He is a child along with genius, the children make him release relaxed, humorous, inspiration and joy. He is like the community music school "the Pied Piper", close behind 30 years of learning and practicing the violin children, Lulu in the.

Mr. Shugart's secret weapon of teaching, is a skill he will be playing the violin, into a vivid story for children to understand or bold imagination. He did not directly teach legato, staccato, growing fast, musical terms, but when it comes to gently stroked the cat meowing, such as military like marching ants, and ride a unicycle mouse roll and rolled down the slope......

He taught the Lulu understand Dvorak famous Humoresque No. seventh, also really surprised me. This song is the theme song of humor GetWord, whether you come from the world of what place, even if you never listened to this song, when the music sounded, you will whisper. This song is too always melancholy and Moody's second theme song, intended to be bittersweet, exaggerated pathos mixed with. Now, how will tell such a complex meaning a year only 6 year-old child?

Mr. Shugart told Lulu, second theme song is sad, but also not is what people are going to leave us so very sad. But then he let Lulu imagine: if every day she make the bed yourself and stick with it for a week, my mother promised to buy her a double ball of ice cream roll. Lulu really do, but at the end of the week, but mother talk not to calculate words. This is not, she should give what didn't do sister bought ice cream roll. These words the teacher really caused a lulu of resonance, her humor song full of sorrow, as though this song was written for her. Until today, when I heard this song Humoresque (you can watch Itzhak? In the online Youtube Perlman II and Yoyo Ma play), ears sounded like lyrics by Mr. Shugart:

The second part section twenty-third (3): Violin

I think, To my ice cream, oh, my ice cream for me, you promised me ice cream in the end...... In the...... Where......"

Interestingly, although I had an idea of the violin for Lulu, but the violin at Lulu's hand, is shown with Lulu seems to have eight life. When she was just beginning to practice, people constantly as she strummed, drawing the bow of natural, smooth and flexible and shocked, she seems to really understand and perceive their own music and sigh.

In MR Shugart as a student organization recital, Lulu often show debut, "Xiao sharp". The parents of other children will envy me, "you Is it right? Musical family?" "Going to cultivate Lulu become a skilled violinist?" But how can they know that, in order to let Lulu home after the completion of tasks, we both like wild beasts in a jungle like "bloody battle a" - that's the tiger Vs. boar fight, the more she resisted, the more I tough.

Every Saturday is the priority among priorities in my life.

Throughout the morning, we have to stay in the community music school, go to all lengths nervous like you in the 20 musical instrument accompaniment sound. Not only Mr. Shugart violin lesson Lulu, even after class and teachers together to another classroom, then a violin and piano class teaching Suzuki teaching. (lulu in piano lessons every Friday we never absent.)

After coming home, although at three or four hours of course has let us be tired out, I often try various devices to increase to Lulu exercises - wouldn't let her have nothing to do, comfortably just waiting for next week's class!

In the evening, fatigue, Lulu has entered the dreamland, I also read about the violin of professional articles, under the lights, listening to Isaac? Stern Itzhak? Perlman or Japanese violinist Mishima Li CD, trying to realize their skills, capture those who enlivened in the strings in the notes and those who speak in measured tones elf.

I admit, this calendar is too nervous, but I always feel in a race against time. You know, China children every day to practice 10 hours. Sara? In the New York Symphony Orchestra for Zu Bin? Mehta audition when only 8 years old. Every year, some 7 year olds will be in Latvia or Croatia talent showing itself, to play the high difficulty of the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto and the international competition trophy in my arms. I hope that Lulu can stand on that podium. To tell you the truth, I really can't wait.

In addition, the education and training of the child, I is not the dominant at home. Because, I have a American husband, he thought that the child's childhood should embrace the joy. Jade often like and children together or playing mini golf; most egregiously, drove two wenches come all the way to the water park to play dangerous water slide. But I most like activity, is reading to their children. Every night, the four of us will sit down together to read, it is everybody happy happy time.

The violin is really difficult, in my opinion, it is much more difficult than to play the piano.

The second part section twenty-fourth (4): Violin

First of all, you have to keep the weight bearing status, and the piano has no such requirement. Completely different from the people's understanding and imagination, Violin and not rely on the left arm. The famous Carle Flesch violin teacher? He wrote in "the art of violin playing" (TheArtofViolinPlaying) a book that, the violin is "on the supraclavicular", and "always left jaw fixed". So, in order to ensure the left hand free, flexible moving.

If you think the clavicle and the left jaw clamps what things will be very uncomfortable, you are right. The fixture is embedded into the neck shoulder a wooden Chinrest and metal between the violin, most artists and violinist, will form a rough, often pain in Chin red patches, they will even this "Violin indentation" as a badge of honor!

The second is the "tone", that is what you use to play the tune. This is I think the violin than playing the piano to another reason is much more difficult. When playing the piano, if you use a finger pressing the keys, just know you choose which one note. While the violin, you must put your finger unerringly to contact position accurately in the accurate "point", otherwise, only one mm error, you pull it could be "out of tune". Although the violin only 4 strings, but it can be generated by a semitone increments and 53 different notes; according to different strings, using different bowing skill, can deduce the colorful, ever-changing tone. So it is often said, the violin can capture every kind of human emotion, it is a kind of musical instrument is closest to the human voice.

Playing the piano and violin, a bit is the same (many sports as well), that is: only by completely relax yourself, you can perform perfectly. On the tennis court, if you can't keep your arms relaxed, not vigorously smash; in baseball, if you arm stiffness, cannot throw the quick fire "strike"; the violin, if you hold the bow too tight, or put too much pressure on the strings, just have a lot of noise, and can not be pulled out the beautiful music.

"Imagine yourself as a doll," Mr. Shugart would inspire Lulu, "soft, loose, what thing does not have to care about. Your arm is so relaxed, you will feel its own weight...... Give everything to the force of gravity...... Yes, Lulu, well, very good!"

Easy. I in the home also loudly reminds Lulu, "Mr. Shugart said 'doll'!" Teaching points I always try to do my best to emphasize the Mr. Shugart, but in the Lulu here, things are not so simple, I would often make her nervous, irritable.

One time, has been in the middle of the exercises, she shouted suddenly furiously: "do not say, mom, you don't say!"

"Lulu, I also did not say what, I'm not a word was said!" I said.

"You say you're not constantly in mind," Lulu said, "I know what you're thinking."

"I did not want what!" I pretended to be indignant and said. In fact, Lulu was right, I have been wondering when Lulu play right elbow too high, not force, she needs to make music better habits.

The second part section twenty-fifth (5): Violin

"Don't make blind and disorderly conjectures!" Lulu said, "I don't do that, unless you are no longer thinking!"

Lulu often try to provoke me, stir up our quarrel was she to stop the practice of "schemes and intrigues". But this time, I was not deceived. "Well," I said calmly, "what do you want me to do?" Sometimes, handing control to Lulu, will dissolve her little temper.

Lulu wants to say: "hold your nose for 5 seconds."

Well, is a wonderful pause. I did so, practice to continue. Is that we are both very happy day.

Lulu and I have a relationship is difficult to reconcile and can not give up. When children are very young, I built a document in the computer, to literally, at any time to record communication between us concern. In Lulu at the age of 7, had a conversation was recorded between us:

Beauty: Lulu, we are very good friends, in an unbelievable way friendly.

Lulu: Yes - a weird way, horrible way.

U.s.:!! (a stunned state.)

Lulu: only joking! (give mother a hug.)

Beautiful: I want to say you write it down.

Lulu: don't, don't write! It sounds too much!

Amy: I want this embrace also beside.

I have a lovely pair of products on the child extreme parenting style, that is the relationship between Sophia and Lulu: because they have very close together, hand in hand against tyranny and feverish mother.

"She is really take leave of one's senses!" I hear they whisper to one another, while secretly. But I don't care, I'm not some Western parents so fragile. I often said to the girls: "my goal, is a for the sake of your future mother, not to please your love."

One spring, the community music school invited Sophia and Lulu two sisters took the stage at a special ceremony, this activity is to celebrate the soprano singer Jesse Norman in?

The famous opera "Aida" by Verdi (Aida) in the performances won Glamor award organized. Coincidentally, my father likes opera "Aida", and Jade and I, it is through the "Aida" "triumphal march" into a marriage hallowed halls. So, I invited my parents from California to attend the concert.

Wear form fitting dress, two small beauty with Violin and piano piece played a Mozart Sonata in E minor. In my opinion, mature conception this song to express beyond their age - music appears in the violin and piano to and fro transformation is not so tacit understanding, look like two instruments the whisper to one another. But nobody seems to care about this a fly in the ointment, two girls performance was successful.

Later, Jesse? Norman said to me: "your daughter is really a genius, you are so lucky!"

Fortunately, I know, this is experienced countless battles won results.

The smoke dispersed, I experienced a life that was the best time of.

The second part section twenty-sixth (6): Violin

The 10 bubble and teeth marks

I One's pupils do not turn. at Sophia played on the stage. She looks so small, but in the huge piano to show Mozart's passion, that moment, my heart felt a nameless pain......

Detached China parents educate their children things, Western parents are difficult to do this.

When I was small, there is a (perhaps more than one), I am very disrespectful to the mother, the father angrily with our hometown dialect to scold me, said I was "garbage". This sentence is very heavy, I feel shame for his the doings, but it didn't hit my self-esteem or any other self perception, I don't really think of me as a heap of rubbish that not to be worth a hair.

As adults, when Sophia's act constitutes a great disrespectful to me, I have to use English to she said the same thing -- you, like a pile of garbage! But at a gathering of friends and dinner. Remember when I immediately suffered all rejection, called Ma Xi a guest feel uneasy, she even shed tears, early to leave. My friend, the hostess Susan strongly I continue to retain and guests stay together.

"Oh, dear -- this is just a misunderstanding, the son is in parables, huh, beauty? And what you don't really say Sophia is rubbish."

"Good, so, I said, but these words are culture background." I want to explain, "this is Chinese immigration."

"Can you not a China immigration." Someone pointed out that I was actually born in USA this fact.

"The point," I admitted, "so I say no effect on Sophia, also be not at all surprising."

I was trying to make trouble, but I know, it makes Sophia quite shocked.

In the education of children, parents can make Chinese Western parents seem inconceivable, even legally actionable. Chinese mother can say without mincing words said to her, "Hey, little fat -- reducing weight!" In contrast, Western parents can only with great care on the same topic, probably from the "health" of "attack by innuendo, never mention" half a "fat" word. And their children, finally still difficult to extricate themselves into repeatedly eating disorder conditioning and negative self image. (I once heard a father with a "beautiful and the ability to be hardly worthy of belief" to praise now adult daughter. The daughter told me later, in her view, these words hollow like garbage.)

Chinese parents will ask children to follow their own words to do, while the Western parents will ask children to do its best to do. China parents can say "slob, all the students are better than you", while the Western parents have struggled in the contradiction and conflict in my heart, trying to excavate achievements kids, trying to convince myself not to lose sight of the children disappointed.

China why parents can call a spade a spade on their behavior feel feel at ease and justified, in this regard, I think for a long time, a lot of. I think Chinese parents and Western parents have three significant differences in mind.

The second part section twenty-seventh (7): Violin

First, I've noticed that Western parents are very concerned about their children's self-esteem. If it fails to do sth the children, they are very concerned about the child's self perception, will continue to comfort their children, inspire them sure of their strengths, even if they were flat in the exam or performance. That is to say, Western parents are concerned about the child's psychological feelings; China parents are different, they believe that their child's strength, believe they have no so fragile.

Different attitudes towards their children, resulting in the Western parents differences emerged in the education of children behavior.

For example, a child went home with her to get in the exam "A -", Western parents are likely to praise the child, and Chinese mother's face will appear terror surprised: "this is how to return a responsibility?" If a child got "B", some Western parents will still praise the child, other Western parents and children will face to face sit down to express their dissatisfaction, but they would not let the child feel inadequate or not safe, and there is absolutely no use "stupid", "worthless" or "." this vocabulary.

In my opinion, the Western parents is also possible misconduct. The child did not test well, was in some subjects had a problem, or course or the whole school have what problem, these factors should be taken into account. If the child's grades are not improve, parents can also make an appointment with the headmaster, questioned the qualification problem teaching method in a subject or teachers.

If the children in the test to get "B" (small probability that this happened in Chinese families, parents will be furious China). This shocked China mother will let the children practice 10 or even hundreds of test questions, until the child to get "A" in the exam".

Chinese parents exam scores door child's good, because they believe that their children have the ability to do. If the child has not made the most outstanding achievements, then, must be the children hard enough. This is China parents why always not qualified to the children's performance will be severely criticized, punished, let the children feel ashamed of the reason.

Chinese parents think that their children are strong enough, to bear the humiliation and take action to improve. In fact, when China children in action for good, there are many Western parents are home to the child abuse praise oneself.

Second, Chinese parents think every child is their. The reason seems to be not so stick out a mile, but it may be derived from Kong Fuzi's filial piety and China parents sacrifice oneself spirit, they paid too much for the kids. China mother to participate in teaching, to invest a lot of time, as a family teacher, coach, supervise and educate their children every word and action -- this is the picture of their true with children. And Chinese children obey their parents to discipline, and strive to become the proud parents of children in their own lifetime, is understanding and return to the parents the best.

On the contrary, I don't think that Westerners on permanent the children and parents gratitude will have the same opinion. In fact, Jade has had a very different view. He once said to me: "children can not choose their parents, even cannot choose whether to come to this world. Is the parents, the life imposed on children. Therefore, it is the responsibility of parents raising children, and the children without any debt to their parents, their duty is to raise their own children."

The second part section twenty-eighth (8): Violin

It let me on the terrible relationship between Western parents and children left very deep impression.

Third, China parents believe that they know what is best for their children, therefore, they will manage children all desires and interests. This is also the reason why the child can not participate in the China overnight camping and Chinese girls don't have a boyfriend in the high school. Similarly, no Chinese children to the parents said: "I play a role in the school play! I was a member of camp sixth; every afternoon 3 points to 7 points, I have to stay after school to attend the rehearsal; I need a car every weekend."

Oh, God, how can China children make such unreasonable demands!

Don't misunderstand me: This is not China parents don't care about their children, on the contrary, they can give up his all for children! This is just a kind of be totally different parenting patterns. I used Chinese thinking way to look at this way, I know -- usually from South Korea, India, Pakistan and many other countries or their parents, they have very similar mentality and Chinese parents. Therefore, these ideas may with the characteristics of migrants, or some characteristics of immigrants and a combination of culture.

Jade presents a very different education mode, and his parents are not immigrants. Game and Florence was born in Pennsylvania Prefecture, near Clanton, strictly Orthodox Jewish family, and grew up there in the adult. They are both young mother, had depressed, unhappy childhood. After they got married, as soon as possible to leave the state of Pennsylvania, the final set of living in Washington DC, Jade grew up with brother, sister in there. As their parents, game and Florence decided to be deprived of their childhood space and freedom to the children, they believe that the personal choice and independent value, promote the development of creative ability, dare to question authority.

My parents and his parents live in a different world.

Jade's parents put their son as a member of the human mind, will choose the right to go on the violin class gave him (the son will easily give up, and now regret). My parents didn't give me any choice, never have anything to ask me for my opinion. Every summer, Jade's parents let his brothers and sisters to be known as a crystal lake idyllic place, to enjoy to pursue pleasure; Jade says, that is his most happy time in his life, we should as far as possible. Sophia and Lulu go on holiday in crystal lake. And I, always with a computer to go there, so I seem to hate the summer. (7 years younger than me, and I have good sister 'is the same. The master computer programming, read a grammar book, the side with the chart to the syntactic analysis, and in order to pass the time.)

Jade's parents have a good taste in art, art collections and hobbies, but my parents not to engage in art. Jade's parents to pay a certain amount of education funding for him, but not all; and my parents work for us all the pre paid, they desire in elderly completely obtain respect and love their children. Jade's parents had never had such a luxury.

The second part section twenty-ninth (9): Violin

Jade's parents often leave the children go out to go on holiday, they and friends to some dangerous place. In Guatemala, they almost kidnapped; in Zimbabwe, they participate in hunting expedition; in Indonesia's Borobudur, they heard the sound of Gamelan music.

My parents never leave 4 children on holiday, this means that the us all travel, had to spend the night in a cheap Autolodge. In addition, in the developing adult. If someone pays, my parents will not go to pagoda Guatemala, Zimbabwe and Borneo; and will take us to Europe, there are suitable for tourism management, local government.

Although Jade and I are not clear, thorough discussion on parenting issues, but we basically think, must use the training mode China type in our family. There are several reasons for doing so.

First of all, like many mothers, I bear most of the maintenance work, therefore, I raise the way should be preferred. Although Jed and I at Yale Law School also has a busy work, but at home, I was staring at the girl to do homework, to learn Mandarin, to practice the piano and violin.

Secondly, completely put aside my education child's point of view, Jade is still a tendency to cultivate rigorous approach. He often criticized those at home never children said "No" parents (in fact, what is worse, with "No" but never executed). While Jade is good at saying "No" for the girls, but not good at providing a positive solutions for them. He forced the children never do what thing, like a child will not be forced to practice the piano and violin. He did not have absolute confidence, to make the right choice for children. And I, just make up for his shortcomings.

In China mode to cultivate children's process, perhaps the most important experience is everything is hard in the beginning, then we also experienced constant quarrels troubled. Other parents constantly ask us to cultivate children's secret, because Sophia and Lulu's behavior, as children grow model. They behave refined and courteous, cute and funny, find in helping others in the public places, but also an eloquent speaker; they are the straight-A students in school, Sophia is leading in Mathematics in her class of two year; they can also speak fluent Putonghua; all of them for their playing skill of classical music wonder at.

In short, they are like Chinese children. However, there are still some different.

In 1999, we took the children go for the first time China travel. Appearance characteristics of Sophia and Lulu has a brown hair, brown eyes and Asian; they both said China words. Sophia can eat a variety of animal offal and meat food -- duck webs, pig ear, sea cucumber, this is the key to another sign of Chinese.

In Chinese, each of us in one place, including the international metropolis of Shanghai, my daughter will attract local people's eyes. They looked on, smiling, gestures, saying they are "two will say Chinese words little foreigner". In Chengdu City, Sichuan Province breeding center for the giant panda, we see the big newborn panda cubs, they are pink, fleshy, like a caterpillar like feel constrained and uneasy to crawling, I heard a very difficult to feed. When Sophia and Lulu to Panda baby pictures, those China traveler also in their sister pictures!

The second part section thirtieth (10): Violin

Few months back in New Haven, I chat with people, inadvertently in the words of Sophia is mentioned in Chinese. When she interrupted me and said: "Mom, I'm not Chinese."

"You are Chinese."

"No, mom, you are the only one. In Chinese, no one thought I'm Chinese. In America, people do not put me as Chinese."

This statement makes me very uncomfortable, I just kept saying: "say so, they were wrong, you are Chinese!"

In 2003, 10 year old Sophia prize in New Haven piano concerto competition, and as a solo piano player won the show at the Battelle auditorium of Yale University and New Haven Youth Orchestra with honor.

She ushered in the first music life festival, so I tread.

I published the Sophia article in the local newspaper, and attach photos; I invited more than 100 people come to enjoy the concert, and plans to hold a big party for Sophia after the meeting; I bought shiny outfits, bought the first dress drag to the beautiful dress and new leather shoes. 4 elders -- Grandpa, grandma, Grandpa, grandma came.

On the day before the show, my mother made hundreds of China pearl balls in the kitchen (pork stuffing, wrapped in white glutinous rice); his mother Florence cook 10 pounds of gravlax (salt, black pepper, cumin, wine pickled).

At the same time, we wildly beating gongs and drums into performing in front of the rehearsal, too tired to almost be tired out. Sophia will play Mozart in the performance of the piano Rondo, the orchestra is in D major, it is one of the composer's most exciting music.

In the industry, high difficulty Mozart music is as everyone knows. His music is said to be a resplendent with variegated coloration, blinding bright, not only let the human passion, and to give light pleasant sensual enjoyment, deeply touched many musicians. The industry also has "only when the young and the elderly can better explain Mozart" argument. Because the young man is a piece of blank paper, go all lengths, while the elderly have not mind to give an impression of what, which can be more free to play. Sophia played the Rondo Mozart classic. Sophia's piano teacher Michel told her: "you in the performance of glide (runs) and vibrato (trills), think of the champagne or Italy soda, at the moment of opening the bottle cap, countless bubble fall over each other to emerge......"

Sophia is an excellent student, can face up to any challenge. She was a very be hardly worthy of belief quickly, with lightning quick fingering, passing a new tune. Let me the most happy is, she listen to me.

Especially at that time, I became the chief commander organization rehearsal. I put Mozart Rondo split apart, sometimes according to segmentation, sometimes according to the main target practice. We'll spend an hour, only pay attention to the pronunciation (clear, accurate tones); then, in the next hour, focusing on the beat (with the metronome coordination); the next hour, the main change the playing strength (loud, soft, crescendo, decrescendo); an hour after, to solve the problem. Mainly, in order to shape the music melody.

The second part section thirty-first (11): Violin

We practice every day late, for a few weeks. Poor Sophia's eyes full of tears, my mouth although no harsh words, but the expression on her face showed more firm.

The day of the show finally approaching, I suddenly felt the whole body limp. Look, I would never be a true actor, and Sophia is very excited. At Battelle hall, when she walked gracefully on the stage, the audience gracefully bow, smile on her face. I know, she is now happy. In the Grand Hall of dark oak trim, I One's pupils do not turn. watched her on stage playing. She looks so small, but in the huge piano to show Mozart's passion, that moment, my heart felt a nameless pain......

After the end of the show, friends and strangers crowd swarmed to come to Jade and I congratulate.

"Sophia played too exciting!" They said, "she played so wonderful, so elegant, really let a person be hardly worthy of belief."

"Sophia is a Mozart music." A smiling Michel teacher told us, said she had never heard anyone can be Rondo played so of breeze blowing, the stars twinkle.

"Look, she is immersed in the beautiful music." The community music school principal Larry be jubilant to me said, "can't find pleasure from the music, it will not show the beauty of music."

The comments by Larry reminds me of a few years ago an unexpected story.

When Sophia was just beginning to learn to play the piano, and I already gave her a lot of pressure. One day, Jade found some interesting imprint in the woody parts of central C piano. When he asked Sophia, "what is this", Sophia's eyes over a little guilty, "what did you say?" She make an ambiguous statement to asks, but already knows.

Jade bent down, carefully examine the mark. "Sophia," he said slowly, "these marks Is it right? Your teeth?"

Unfortunately, large white.

After questioning him, was about 6 year old Sophia admitted, she often bite the piano. Jade told her, the piano is our most precious objects, Sophia promised never to chew. And I don't know, why Larry's comments will take me back to this interesting episode.

The second part thirty-second: little white donkey

11 little white donkey

There is a story, is about Chinese type forced.

Then, Lulu was about 7 years old, is still in the study and practice the piano and violin of the two instruments. She is practicing a called "the little white donkey" piano. This song is by the French composer Jacques? Albert creation, the tune is very cute, you can imagine a white donkey walked relaxed lively pace, and their owners together along the country road happily ran forward. But for young pianists, it also has unbelievable difficulty, because it requires two hands to keep the schizophrenic different rhythm.

Lulu cannot do.

We practice uninterruptedly for a week, over and over again hard respectively training her left and right, but when we tried to put the two movements of the hands together, one hand is often the other hand assimilation. For a time, all efforts will vanish like soap bubbles.

On the day before the show is going to have a piano lesson, she finally unbearable outbreak: "I do not practice!" She decided to give up, stand up and then slam the door and go.

"Come back to the piano, lulu!" I ordered.

"You can't make me."

"Of course I can."

Let her go back to the piano, Lulu I toss unbearably. She's a cuff and kick, and seize the music tear it into pieces. I will score together into a plastic cover letter, so, she could no longer on the music "violence". Then, I put the Lulu dolls out in the car, and told her: "if you don't get 'within the next little white donkey' practice pat, I'll put your toys one by one, donated to the church."

"I think you should go to church, why did you stay there?" Lulu intentionally angry with me.

I threatened her not to eat lunch and dinner, do not want to Christmas and Hanukkah gifts, not to mention the birthday gift - two years, three years, four years, had never mind what gift!

......

Later, Lulu finally sat down to the piano, his hands still error. I told her she was deliberately allows himself crazy, because she was afraid to do bad. I want to say goodbye to her lazy, overcome cowardly, don't self indulgent, so sad to go to hell!

At this time, Jade took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu (in fact, I didn't mean it, I just want to stimulate her, let her to Lian Qin), he said he did not think the threat is what helped her to be. He also said, maybe Lulu really cannot master this technology, she does not have the coordination with the hands. Finally, he also asked me to be poker-faced: "can't you even consider that possibility?"

"You just don't believe that." I accused him of.

"This is ridiculous," Jade said contemptuously, "of course I believe her."

"Lulu Sophia in this age, can play the music."

"Lulu and Sophia are two different individuals." Jade pointed out that.

"Oh, no, not in this matter." I rolled my eyes staring at him. "Everyone is unique in their unique way," I with sarcastic imitation, "even the losers in their unique way into the unique failure. Well, don't worry, it was not you join. I prefer a pole inserted in the end, I'm happy to do that by the children hate evil. You've shared Griddle Cake, take them to play USA Yankees game, you can be that they worship the great kindness!"

I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu, all I can think of each of these "weapons" and "trick". We did not eat dinner, practicing until evening. I didn't let Lulu stood up from the bench, not drink, did not even go to the bathroom, our piano room has become a battlefield without smoke of gunpowder. I shouted hoarse, mouth parched and tongue scorched, Lulu's playing not only did not increase, even in recession - finally, I'm not quite, faith no longer be secure against assault the fort......

However, at the moment of shake and crumble, a miracle happened to Lulu's hands began to "emergency", the left and the right place, coordination, complete different tasks.

Ha ha, that they should do!

Lulu at the same time to realize this point. I watched with bated breath, her mood with another try. Then, she is playing the more confident, more play more quickly, and keep her just to find a rhythm. For a while, and she laughed: "Mom, you see, it is not difficult to!" She sat down at the piano, again and again, be in the best of spirits playing the song of lovely "white donkey".

When the night sleep, she sneaked into my bed. The two of us together, making a cuddle. The final victory that day not quickly disappear Not the least trace was found.

A few weeks later, Lulu in the community music school recital played the song "white donkey". Some parents running back said to me: "this song was written for Lulu - it sounds so be full of vitality, in fact, Lulu is that little white donkey!"

This time, even Jade also feel a heartfelt admiration, praise for me.

All the newly published books, will be full of craft and cunning, Asian mother described as unfeeling, overdrive, they be indifferent to the child real interest. On the other hand, many Chinese was convinced that, compared with the children feel at ease and justified laissez faire deterioration but Westerners, they are more concerned about their children, willing to sacrifice for the children. I think if you look at the West such parents, this is a misunderstanding on both sides. All civilization, respectable parents, are willing to do to children the most useful thing, and Chinese parents just to do useful things, have completely different ideas.

Western parents try to respect the child's personality, encouraging them to pursue their true passion, in support of their self selection, to provide them with a positive affirmation and growth environment. And China parents believe, the best way to protect the child, is to help them prepare for the future, let them see their own ability, to arm them with good habits, work and practical and inherent, no one can take confidence.

[education] I in America case of Yale Law School professor mother parenting

[education] I in America case of Yale Law School professor mother parenting

My mother at Yale Law School in USA Parenting